Posts
In high school, Fred was voted Most Likely to Hold a Grudge. He's still angry about it. Beavers excel at chewing wood. After all, gnawing is half the battle. Fred went shopping for cherries and microphone stands. Bought a bing, bought a boom. Instead of saying "No pun Intended", why not say “That was pun-intentional”?
Before you tour a cookie factory, are you asked to sign a wafer? Fred met his future wife at the camera factory where they both worked. They just clicked. Have you heard about the celiac masochist? A real gluten for punishment. A man fell into a huge tank of manure, died and his body sank to the bottom. His family decided to leave him there since he was already in turd.
While many of us complain about life in general and the cost of living. I am sitting on a couch that costs $3,500. Lovely and cool in front of an air-con unit costing $2,300. Watching the latest film on a 70" smart TV that costs $4,000. Right now, I'm happy, with no worries and not a care in the world. Not even the employees at Leon’s, who keep asking me to leave can spoil my day........ from gilles...
There is an event open to female roofing contractors this week. All the shingle ladies will be there. I didn't think it was a good idea when my wife put a mirror at the end of a long hallway. But upon further reflection... Feeling a little paranoid?? Remember you are not alone.. An old cowboy had such bad saddle sores… …he had to move into ass-cysted living.
Fred was going to try starting an all-almond diet. But he realized that's just nuts. Chicken Pot Pie. Fred's 3 favorite things. A gardener went crazy. She was hearing voices in her shed. No matter where Fred goes he brings his ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if he plays an instrument, He says...“I play a little guitar"
Fred's career as a stand-up comedian ended when he tried telling jokes about the unemployed. It was clear that none of them worked. Fred dreamed he had to make a thousand pancakes… He was tossing and turning all night, woke up feeling battered. Terrorists arrested for vandalizing the reflecting pool. They were members of algae-da. Scientists have recently noticed that crows are not making as much noise. Researchers are busy looking for the caws.
Fred cooked a steak for Father's Day but it fell on the ground. Ended up eating ground beef. Fred's wife tried to beat him at scrabble .. But he wooden letter. Electricians have to strip to make Ends meet. Fred lived in a houseboat moored next to his best friend's houseboat. Eventually they drifted apart.
.webp)
Fred went to see that new horror flick where a feminist takes a chainsaw to the patriarchy. It's called The Sexist Chainsaw Massacre. "I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon". I have always preferred the British spelling for "diarrhea". "Diarrhoea" really looks like you've lost control of your vowels, and it flows better. Fred never finishes anything. He has a black belt in partial arts
I t's ok to buy a nun a drink occasionally. But just make sure you don't get into the habit. Fred tried to get a date with the world's most beautiful sniper. But, he knew from the beginning it was a long shot. Have you heard of the disc jockey who kept playing the same songs again and again? DJ Vu. I remember when I read the dictionary as a kid. It was a defining moment in my childhood.
When Fred complained that there were no more spots left on the archery team, someone suggested that maybe he should pull some strings. How can you tell when a man is ready to be a dad? If his girlfriend or wife says "I'm pregnant" and he says "Hi pregnant i'm dad". Fred's car payments are withdrawn from his bank account every month. He set it up for auto pay. Fred was going to be a racecar driver… But didn’t stay on track.
a double dose....
Fred quit his job as a lawyer to become a dog breeder. He prefers boxers over briefs. Fred wanted a new button-up sweater for his birthday. But all he got was a card again. In both grilling and mentoring ... ... a "well done" should not be rare. Fred watched a video about an indigenous Native American tribe. It was on Ute Tube Fred bought some old time pieces at an estate sale, but they were all missing the hour and minute hands. A very strange secondhand watch collection. Fred's neighbour got hooked on protein powder. In the end, she passed a whey. A failed vegetable farmer became a rap artist. He had some sick beets. Deafness is becoming a problem for me. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
Fred is a bit concerned that he hasn't heard a word from his audiologist. Fred's girlfriend accidentally poked him in the eyes. He stopped seeing her for a while. Fred once dated a girl with a wooden leg. It was going well for a while, but eventually he broke it off. I joined a Carpenter's class the other day but haven't made anything yet. We've only just begun.
a double dose....
When Fred's yoga teacher quit unexpectedly... It left him in a very difficult position. Fred offered his elderly neighbor $20 to give him a ride on her stairlift. He thinks she’s gonna take him on it. Fred has given up on gardening. He just threw in the trowel. Loom-inary: a master of weaving yarn or thread into cloth. Fred constantly brags about how his bbq seasoning is the best. He really likes to rub it in. Fred refuses to go to funerals. He's just not a mourning person. Old people's feet are often in rough shape. Because time wounds all heels. Fred started a band called "The Hinges". They opened for everyone.