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I t's ok to buy a nun a drink occasionally. But just make sure you don't get into the habit. Fred tried to get a date with the world's most beautiful sniper. But, he knew from the beginning it was a long shot. Have you heard of the disc jockey who kept playing the same songs again and again? DJ Vu. I remember when I read the dictionary as a kid. It was a defining moment in my childhood.
When Fred complained that there were no more spots left on the archery team, someone suggested that maybe he should pull some strings. How can you tell when a man is ready to be a dad? If his girlfriend or wife says "I'm pregnant" and he says "Hi pregnant i'm dad". Fred's car payments are withdrawn from his bank account every month. He set it up for auto pay. Fred was going to be a racecar driver… But didn’t stay on track.
a double dose....
Fred quit his job as a lawyer to become a dog breeder. He prefers boxers over briefs. Fred wanted a new button-up sweater for his birthday. But all he got was a card again. In both grilling and mentoring ... ... a "well done" should not be rare. Fred watched a video about an indigenous Native American tribe. It was on Ute Tube Fred bought some old time pieces at an estate sale, but they were all missing the hour and minute hands. A very strange secondhand watch collection. Fred's neighbour got hooked on protein powder. In the end, she passed a whey. A failed vegetable farmer became a rap artist. He had some sick beets. Deafness is becoming a problem for me. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
Fred is a bit concerned that he hasn't heard a word from his audiologist. Fred's girlfriend accidentally poked him in the eyes. He stopped seeing her for a while. Fred once dated a girl with a wooden leg. It was going well for a while, but eventually he broke it off. I joined a Carpenter's class the other day but haven't made anything yet. We've only just begun.
a double dose....
When Fred's yoga teacher quit unexpectedly... It left him in a very difficult position. Fred offered his elderly neighbor $20 to give him a ride on her stairlift. He thinks she’s gonna take him on it. Fred has given up on gardening. He just threw in the trowel. Loom-inary: a master of weaving yarn or thread into cloth. Fred constantly brags about how his bbq seasoning is the best. He really likes to rub it in. Fred refuses to go to funerals. He's just not a mourning person. Old people's feet are often in rough shape. Because time wounds all heels. Fred started a band called "The Hinges". They opened for everyone.
From Gord....
Whenever I see a warning label on peanut butter saying it may contain peanuts, I understand why aliens don't visit us anymore. Fred got a robotic lawnmower. Now heI only handles edge cases. Fred is a flat earther. Though he prefers I use the term bulldozer operator. Fred imagined a machine which could lessen sudden high-velocity incidents of wind. He never pursued it, though, because he found the whole idea disgusting.
From Gord....
My GPS app never apologizes if it errs. It has a bad latitude. What did the American, British, and Scottish person talk about? None of them know. Strange that the gene for male-pattern baldness is passed through the mom. It’s all about ‘hair’-itability. What do ATMs and addicts have in common? Both experience withdrawals.
Fred opened a bakery for pessimists. Everything is half-baked. When southerners move out of the South do they go through withdrawl? My wife hates the sound of squeezing water from a towel. But if you ask me, it has a nice wring to it. Are people born with a photographic memory? Or does it take time to develop? From Gord....
Fred used to date a woman named Amanda Lin. Lovely girl, just a bit highly strung. Trump is rooting for the Spurs at the NBA Finals. They're what kept him out of Vietnam. Fred's son's soccer team is named the Numerators. They're at the top of the division. If at first you don’t succeed, try playing second base. From Gord....
Scientists have made the world's largest suction cup. Nobody knows how they manage to pull it off. Midwives deserve our appreciation. They help people out. Fred broke up with his girlfriend because she had bad breath. It just wasn't mint to be. Fred wanted to marry a woman who is a Carbon 14 expert, but all she wanted to do was date. From Gord...
Fred's wife lost her dictionary. He tried comforting her, but his words seem to have no meaning to her now. When Fred was asked to give his thoughts on his own mortality. He cleared his throat and then said “I’ll pass”. Fred started a business to weigh very tiny items. It’s a very small scale operation. Fred asked for a seat swap on his flight to get away from a crying baby. Turns out that’s frowned upon when it’s your baby.
Fred got an award for his ability to keep secrets. He can’t tell you how much it means to him. Fred's priest has been trying to persuade some new singers to join the church. He's preaching to acquire. What are occasional tables supposed to be the rest of the time? Fred heard an infectious disease specialist on the radio discussing how to prevent Lyme disease this summer. It was his first Tic Talk.
Fred was reflecting on his first job making french fries in a diner. Sighed and said, "those were the good oil days." Fred is known for his storytelling, and can tell them in sign language. Which is quite handy. I’m vaguely interested in that new documentary about paper fasteners, but I don’t need to see the whole thing. Is anyone able to share one clip? What do you call a waiter that keeps topping off your beverage? Phil.
algae bra In the 1980s, a geologist proposed that earthquakes were caused by electronic dance music. He called his theory plate technotronics. Ancient phoenicians used to raid Egyptian trade ships for their scrolls. This was the first known incidence of papyracy. Why do women prefer rocks to minerals? Because typically, mineral the same. A ballroom is not a very secure location. Anyone can just waltz in there.
Did you hear about the farsighted mohel? He forgot his glasses one day and got the sack. Fred always struck out with women so he bought a sex doll. It was so realistic all it wanted to do was remain friends. Fred planted patches of purple flowers with thorns around his garden as defense. He thought to himself, "Thistle do." Fred has been hosting a poker game with oversized playing cards. It’s kind of a big deal.
Fred got cast in a film about a bakery. It’s not a huge part. Just a small roll. Three hypochondriacs walk into a medical clinic... Doctor: well, well, well. Fred became a vegetarian 3 years ago. Every meal now feels like .. A missed steak. Fred treats his dating life like he does his TV. Rarely turned on with a lot of ghosting.