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Fred got a good deal on some scrap metal. It was a steel. Fredhasn’t been allowed back on a cruise ship. Ever since that whole ‘poop deck’ misunderstanding. Fred was bored so he swapped a few chocolate bars into different wrappers. His wife wasn't amused... She got her snickers in a twix. When a new dock is constructed, it’s required to undergo a rigorous inspection. It’s part of the pier review process.
Fred's dad sold abacuses for a living during the sixties... He was part of the counter culture. The song that Freudian psychoanalysts hate the most? Forever Jung. I hired a translator while traveling in Scandinavia. The guy was so good he could Finnish my sentences. Fred was trying to put a new hole in his leather belt, but wasn't able to, Despite giving it his awl.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. Fred's wife insists on being the one that does their taxes. She's Intuit. Fred recently started teaching arithmetic to midgets.. He says it's important to make the little things count. Fred has been dating an entomologist for a few months now. She still gives him butterflies.
How do you find out how many vampires there are? You Count Draculas. The music played over footage of No Kings Protests? Royalty-free music. Fred has been training his dog to fetch tools from the workbench. He isn't perfect, but he knows the drill. There is a new store called Moderation. They have everything in there.
Fred finished reading the dictionary last night. The story line was hard to follow but it had its defining moments. Fred went to his doctor because every time he bent down he saw Mickey Mouse, and every time he stood up he saw Donald Duck. His doctor asked him how long he had been having these disney spells. Fred tried to start a business selling fish to the public. He couldn't scale fast enough to make it work. Fred mistook Anusol for Anbesol. It made him talk like an asshole.
from doug...
An old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am." The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I have not, Reverend." The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Doppelganger Radar: It measures the speed of people who look like you. I could talk to you for days about how I treat rashes. And that's just scratching the surface. At one point, Fred thought He’d be a successful writer for Hallmark. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t in the cards. Did I ever tell you how funny the word Pumpernickel is? No? I guess it’s my Rye sense of humour.
Fred asked his therapist why he has such a fear of fruit? She said: “It's probably because of some deep berried trauma." "Golf is the epitome of precision and control,” he said. “That’s very well putt,” I said. Two lawn care guys were feuding. They were just a couple of mow foes. It'd be fun if we started calling drugs like Ozempic "Girth Control"
The Asian man who invented the camera lens has passed away. Rest in peace, Zu Min. Some actors perform best when they're cast in horror movies. Jack Nicholson is a Shining example. Deaf people are good at not conforming. They don’t follow a heard mentality. Fred's wife threatened to divorce him when he said he was going to give their daughter a silly name, so he called her Bluff.
Fred accidentally threw his wristwatch into the trash. Such a waste of time. A chatbot that writes humorous song parodies? Weird AI. The root of compulsive gambling lies in the nervous system. Stems from an overactive vegas nerve. Fred always starts his comedy routine with a joke about a door handle. It’s a great opener.
Fred says he’s putting aside a little money every week to buy a trimmer for the bushes around the yard. It's his hedge fund . Fred went to a restaurant that only served organ meat. It was offal. Fred's wife was on the phone, trying to take a message when she asked him to get her something hard to write on. He handed her a pillow. Fred was charging his electric car at home and thinking how much better this was than going to a gas station. But in the end he was just fueling himself.
Utopiary: a perfectly-shaped shrub. Fred met an Australian IT person. He's from the LAN down under. Tim Horton died going twice the speed limit and had twice the legal blood alcohol content. He was the original double-double. Fred was disappointed with the sushi restaurant that had an all-you-can eat promotion. It was kind of a raw deal.
Coffee was just voted the best drink in the nation. It was an unfair vote, there were absent tea ballots. Fred lost his job at the bakery because he didn’t track dessert data accurately enough. They wanted pie charts. Fred was given the opportunity to become a whistle tester. He blew it. Sulphuric acid should never be put into a metal container. It's just an oxidant waiting to happen..