Posts
Some day, Canada is going to take over the world. Then you'll all be sorry. When Fred gets started making bee puns, He drones on and on. Fred chose hydrocortisone over Benadryl. He made a rash decision. The last time King Charles said 'Andy Burnham', he was telling his brother to get rid of the photos.
Fred trained his dog to bring him red wine. She's a Bordeaux Collie. Traffic circles make you take a roundabout way to get anywhere. Albert Einstein married his first cousin. Even his marriage was relative. Fred asked his French friend what he was doing tomorrow. Fred didn't understand all of what he said, but got demain idea.
Fred's kids think he complains too much when he gets off the couch… They say he's a groan man. I’m not gonna prepare your fishing line for free but I will offer you a rebait. Fred tried to get a refund on an incomplete monopoly set. No dice, but at least he took a chance. Fred showed me a photo of himself at an R.E.M. concert. He said, “That’s me in the corner.”
Fred was so sick of the preacher haranguing him from the podium that Fred took his lectern. It was time to take a stand. Why did Darth Vader wear black robes like a nun? Force of habit. Fred forgot to hire an editor for his brain-teaser book… It was riddled with errors. To everyone who said Fred would never become a journalist: He's got news for you.
If you get the opportunity to become a Gregorian monk... ...take the chants seriously. William Shatner's new line of womens' lingerie has been tanking in sales. There were probably better names than Shatner Panties. Fred's job as a customs officer is really affecting his health. All those seizures. There is a promising new treatment for Lycanthropy In clinical trials, it has had a de-monsterable effect.
Fred thought he was good at the dice table … but he wasn’t great shakes. I've always wondered if Popeyes chicken ….. is made with Olive Oil? Fred always had a strong desire to make shows for television . But he never acted on it. Fred was attacked with a bowling ball, but he’s ok.... His life was spared...
A pharmacist spilled Pepto Bismol on the pharmacy floor. He got the pink slip. Fred memorized six pages of the dictionary. He learned next to nothing. Fred started to write a drinking song, but got confused after the first few bars... Mr. Information got divorced. Apparently everyone was spreading Ms. Information.
Argentina crossed every line in the World Cup final. Well, every one except the goal line. Fred was warned not to invest in the lollipop business... That market is for suckers. Fred tried to walk like an Egyptian.. Now he needs a Cairo Practor.. Fred got hospitalized for being cringe. They put him in the awk ward.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Fred tried to get a part-time job at the circus, but he couldn't juggle it with other responsibilities. Fred isn’t the world’s greatest proctologist. But he's often right up there. If members of two different gangs look almost identical to each-other do we call them doppelgänger bangers?
There was a cowboy who really sang well. He had great range. Electricians make terrible sailors. They’re always running a ground, but they can navigate the current. Home run derby pitchers get a lot of criticism for using those protection nets… But they stand behind their decision. Why did the Norse lightning god have to put down his hammer? He had a Thor thumb
