crotchety ruv

  Fred spent $150 on a belt that doesn't fit. Big waist. Plumbers are the sneakiest people. They’re always snaking around. Fred tried to get into origami to practice patience and mindfulness.  As usual, he folded under pressure. I'm at the age where I appreciate a nice handrail.

 

 

  Fred was hospitalized after tripping onstage and falling headfirst into a drum kit. The doctor said he had a percussion. Fred's friends keep trying to get him drunk. It’s a form of beer pressure. Why did the cat cross the road? Because the chicken had a laser pointer. Fred's toilet was spraying water everywhere. He was having a bad bidet.

 

 

  Fred got thrown out of Mime Club yesterday. It must have been something he said. Fred is writing a book about all the things he should be doing in his life. It's an oughtobiography.  Medically induced comma: when your doctor corrects your punctuation. An obsession over pillows can really get to people: First it’s the synthetics-stuffed pillows…Then the cotton pillows…Then it’s all Down from there…

 

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