crotchety ruv

 

  Don't  interrupt someone working intently on a word puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords . Fred spent ages trying to work out the meaning of inconsequential. Before realising that it wasn't that important. My wife and I were arguing over whether it’s called a cravat or an ascot. I said, “Let’s just call it a tie”. The inventor of crazy glue wrote a hard to believe autobiography. But that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

 

 

  When someone asked me if I knew the symptoms of the phobia of getting married. I replied, "I can't say I do". Fred and his sister used to build snowmen together, but apart from that they didn’t really get along. They had a frosty relationship.  All of our books fell on the floor. I blame my shelf. Fred's neighbours don't like his collection of garden gnomes carved from metamorphic rock. But he thinks they're gneiss.

 

  One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected And saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.    "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week In the collection plate," he stated.    "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money And I give some of it to the church."    The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"   The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."     The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"   "He is a veterinarian," she answered..      "That's an honorable pr...

  Stairways have a strong sense of anticipation. They lead up to something. When Fred's kids argue, it gets so loud that he's worried he’ll lose his hearing. Why does it always have to be a fight to the deaf? I saw a man standing on one leg in front of the ATM.. It looked like he was checking his balance. Comedians make terrible terrorists. They frequently bomb but never kill at the same time.