crotchety ruv

 

  Abatement companies can’t guarantee they’ll remove ALL of the toxic substances from your new house… But they’ll try asbestos they can. When someone says to "hold your horses", they want you to be stable. Fred is dyslexic and has an absolute fascination with etymology which he says is the study of the history and origin of sword. When you think about it, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

 

  It seems that there is a world wide shortage of hobby horses for carousels. There aren’t enough to go around. What horses consider play, monkeys consider business, but to Tom, it's all foolery. It's ironic that pregnant women can only have virgin drinks. Transgender people aren’t what they used to be.

  A young man proposes marriage to his sweetheart. The girl replies, "If I marry you, will you promise to give up smoking?" "Yes, I will," came the reply. "And drinking?" "I will give up drinking as well." "And going to the club with your cronies?" "Yes, I will." "And what else will you give up for my sake?" she asked finally. "I have already given up the idea of marrying you."

 

 

  A veterinarian who specializes in treating marsupial inflammation? A kanga-rheumatologist. Fred wrote a book about the Black Death and sent it to a publisher, but they rejected it… They accused him of Plaguerism. A reality TV show about auto mechanics? Keeping Up with the Car-dashians. Puns, farts and children have something in common. They're only funny when they're your own.