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Someone handed me a pamphlet with crocodile species ranked from best to worst. I said “enough with your crocodile tiers” There was a time Fred was so broke that he couldn’t pay his electricity bills. Those were the darkest days of his life. Fred changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar... His life is a joke. Fred watched a documentary about Anne Boleyn. There was no mention of her sister Tenpin.
Elvis Costello and ABBA are touring together this summer, but they can’t decide who’s headlining. I’m anxiously following all the news on ABBA and Costello... to see who’s on first. Fred has an artificial limb that predicts the future. It's a prophetic leg. Fred told his therapist that he dreams that he is either a yurt or a teepee. Therapist said, relax, you are too tents. Fred doesn't always mean to skip breakfast but he just can't help it, he is a cereal procrastinator.
Carpenters who build staircases are good planners. They're always thinking one step ahead. Fred is a SCUBA diver who always takes an extra tank with him. He airs on the side of caution. Inscribed on a dentist's tombstone: I am filling my last cavity, The best pants to wear to go ghost hunting? A paranormal jeans.