crotchety ruv

from vince...  

  9 out of 10 doctors Think the 10th one is wrong. Fred swears he can smell freshly baked Indian bread from a mile away. I told him that’s naan scents. Midwives are very nice people. They always help people out. Conscience is that little voice in your head -- warning you that security cameras are everywhere.

 

 

  Don't  interrupt someone working intently on a word puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords . Fred spent ages trying to work out the meaning of inconsequential. Before realising that it wasn't that important. My wife and I were arguing over whether it’s called a cravat or an ascot. I said, “Let’s just call it a tie”. The inventor of crazy glue wrote a hard to believe autobiography. But that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

 

 

  When someone asked me if I knew the symptoms of the phobia of getting married. I replied, "I can't say I do". Fred and his sister used to build snowmen together, but apart from that they didn’t really get along. They had a frosty relationship.  All of our books fell on the floor. I blame my shelf. Fred's neighbours don't like his collection of garden gnomes carved from metamorphic rock. But he thinks they're gneiss.