crotchety ruv

 

  Fred ordered a deck of cards from Amazon, but it hasn’t arrived yet. Customer service told him they are dealing with it. Best friends don't ask why you need a concrete block and heavy-duty rope. They just ask if the lake is deep enough. I saw a film that was G, PG-13, and R all at once. That movie was so overrated. Fred saw a woman at the grocery scratching all the soap bars. Said she was tickling the Ivories.

 

 

  Plague-rism: The medical term for a disease that mimics the symptoms of the black death. Weterinarian: An animal doctor who specializes in fish. Fred bought one of those ‘smart light switches’ but it was much too clever. So he replaced it with a dimmer switch. Fred lost my job because of illness and fatigue. His boss was sick and tired of him.

 

  Fred identifies as a thief. His pronouns are yours/mine. You don't need a driver's license to drive... You need a driver's license to get pulled over. Fred's wife is getting to the age where she collects pets. She’s going through many-paws. Braille is so easy you can learn it with your eyes closed.

  A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit "what is your blood type?" The rabbit replied "I'm probably a type-o". I returned my lizard to the pet store today as it wouldn't stop telling me jokes. The store clerk said "that isn't a lizard, it is a stand up chameleon."   What happened to the frog's motorcar when the engine blew up? It was eventually toad away. Q: What did the goose say when he purchased a new lipstick? A: "Put it on my bill please." I have just started a dating website for chickens. It is not my normal job, I am just doing it..... To make hens meet from doug...