crotchety ruv

  It seems that there is a world wide shortage of hobby horses for carousels. There aren’t enough to go around. What horses consider play, monkeys consider business, but to Tom, it's all foolery. It's ironic that pregnant women can only have virgin drinks. Transgender people aren’t what they used to be.

  A young man proposes marriage to his sweetheart. The girl replies, "If I marry you, will you promise to give up smoking?" "Yes, I will," came the reply. "And drinking?" "I will give up drinking as well." "And going to the club with your cronies?" "Yes, I will." "And what else will you give up for my sake?" she asked finally. "I have already given up the idea of marrying you."

 

 

  A veterinarian who specializes in treating marsupial inflammation? A kanga-rheumatologist. Fred wrote a book about the Black Death and sent it to a publisher, but they rejected it… They accused him of Plaguerism. A reality TV show about auto mechanics? Keeping Up with the Car-dashians. Puns, farts and children have something in common. They're only funny when they're your own.

 

 

  The doctor told Fred's wife her body couldn’t support twins… There just isn’t enough womb. A person that isn't accepted for gender reassignment surgery? Trans-action declined. Pessimists see a bathroom stall without a door while optimists see a shit show ready to happen. Fred's italian sportscar got in a crash and now it's al dented.

  Some breads are considered aphrodisiacs. Especially the ones made with libidough. A pizza is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left. You might think your grass is nicer than your neighbor’s, but it’s best to keep that opinion to yourself. You don’t need to start a turf war. Fred’s navigation  app kept giving him the wrong directions. So he realized that he had to change his Waze.