crotchety ruv

 

  When Fred was younger he had a job as a store window mannequin. He held that position for a long time. Fred sells blinds. Mostly under the table — it’s a shady business. Never rub avocados in your eyes. You could get guacoma. Making coffee from beans is a real grind.

 

 

  Fred tried glass blowing but mistakely sucked in rather than blowing out. He got a pane in his stomach. A pallet of paprika and a pallet of oregano were stolen from a warehouse.   Investigators believe this was the work of seasoned criminals. Fred's girlfriend dumped him for such "shortcomings" in his male "equipment". He said it's OK - he was never really that into her. Last night the history channel showed a documentary on the origin of U-Haul. Viewers that watched it said it was simply moving.

 

 

  To save money on fuel Fred took the mirrors off of his car to reduce drag. He hasn't looked back since. Fred's house is a stone's throw away from the bus stop. It's the one with broken windows. Fred is researching flesh-eating bacteria. He’s been completely bitten by the bug. The bar for making good jokes has been lowered so much... 3 guys just walked into it.