crotchety ruv

 

  Fred's neighbor has had a plumbing problem in his backyard for a while now that causes a slow, constant leak into Fred's garden. Fred says it's not that big of a deal but does find it irrigating. The aging actor who paid his home off? Mortgage Freeman, Fred caught a really bad cold while visiting Antwerp. He says he is now phelgmish. Someone called me a peasant. It was a feudal attempt to insult me.

 

 

  A friend was telling me about the time when she used to have implants. They're just a distant mammary now. When it comes to roof inspections, I only understand the basics. Most of it is over my head. I can never remember knock-knock jokes. They don't ring a bell. How high do you need to be to jump with a parachute? Three days of drinking should do it.

 

  Fred is sick of downloading these little computer programs on his phone. He has lost his “app”etite. Fred prefers the British spelling of "diarrhea", which is: "diarrhoea". Because it really looks like you've lost control of your vowels. Salvador Dali's favourite breakfast food? Surreal. Fred thinks he might have Lyme disease. That’s why he's been feeling so lemoncholy