crotchety ruv

 

  A friend was telling me about the time when she used to have implants. They're just a distant mammary now. When it comes to roof inspections, I only understand the basics. Most of it is over my head. I can never remember knock-knock jokes. They don't ring a bell. How high do you need to be to jump with a parachute? Three days of drinking should do it.

 

  Fred is sick of downloading these little computer programs on his phone. He has lost his “app”etite. Fred prefers the British spelling of "diarrhea", which is: "diarrhoea". Because it really looks like you've lost control of your vowels. Salvador Dali's favourite breakfast food? Surreal. Fred thinks he might have Lyme disease. That’s why he's been feeling so lemoncholy

 

 

  Never trust double entendres. They might sneak innuendo. Fred thinks people will laugh at how ugly his luggage is. I told him he shouldn't worry about the worst case scenario. Fred went to  the doctor about his obsessive bragging and was prescribed an anti-boasting cream ...... Fred can't wait to rub it in. My folks once took me to a restaurant where you could dunk your food in melted cheese. I look back on it now with fondue memories.