crotchety ruv

 

  Fred went to see that new horror flick where a feminist takes a chainsaw to the patriarchy. It's called The Sexist Chainsaw Massacre. "I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon". I have always preferred the British spelling for "diarrhea". "Diarrhoea" really looks like you've lost control of your vowels, and it flows better. Fred never finishes anything. He has a black belt in partial arts

 

 

  I t's ok to buy a nun a drink occasionally. But just make sure you don't get into the habit. Fred tried to get a date with the world's most beautiful sniper. But, he knew from the beginning it was a long shot. Have you heard of the disc jockey who kept playing the same songs again and again? DJ Vu. I remember when I read the dictionary as a kid. It was a defining moment in my childhood.

 

 

  When Fred complained that there were no more spots left on the archery team, someone suggested that maybe he should pull some strings. How can you tell when a man is ready to be a dad? If his girlfriend or wife says "I'm pregnant" and he says "Hi pregnant i'm dad". Fred's car payments are withdrawn from his bank account every month. He set it up for auto pay. Fred was going to be a racecar driver… But didn’t stay on track.