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from barry...  
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  Life is like marble: Don't take it for granite. Fred has a knack for admitting his own weaknesses. It's one of his strengths. A slippery slope.. is the path of least resistance. There's been a rash of home burglaries. Police are checking every crook and nanny.
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  A nurse walks into a bank to deposit her pay check. She reaches into her purse to pull out a pen to sign her check. To her dismay, she pulls out a rectal thermometer. In frustration, she throws her arms up and shouts, "Oh, great! Some asshole has my pen! from doug...