crotchety ruv

 

  Fred is writing  a magical fairy-tale about lawsuits. It starts… “One subpoena time, in a land far far away…” Fred  saw a video on YouTube last night about a guy who made a timepiece for your wrist out of granite. It was a hard watch. Bee it ever so bumble… …there is no place like comb. The best way to embarrass a psychic? Throw them a surprise party

 

  Fred spent $150 on a belt that doesn't fit. Big waist. Plumbers are the sneakiest people. They’re always snaking around. Fred tried to get into origami to practice patience and mindfulness.  As usual, he folded under pressure. I'm at the age where I appreciate a nice handrail.

 

 

  Fred was hospitalized after tripping onstage and falling headfirst into a drum kit. The doctor said he had a percussion. Fred's friends keep trying to get him drunk. It’s a form of beer pressure. Why did the cat cross the road? Because the chicken had a laser pointer. Fred's toilet was spraying water everywhere. He was having a bad bidet.