Posts
Origami: The one competition you win by folding and get disqualified for making the cut. Fred made six figures last year. But the toy company fired him, apparently they expect more production. Why did Jim Morrison cross the road? To break on through to the other side. At first, leeches aren't the most friendly. With time, they grow on you.
A birdwatcher had a freak out. They really lit their Heron fire and later came to rEgret it. Fred’s daughter was dating a gardener, but they broke up. He was very rough around the hedges. Fred’s relatives are all qualified police marksman apart from his Grandad, who was a bank robber. Grandad died recently, surrounded by his family. A photographer was injured when a huge chunk of cheddar fell on him. All the people in the picture were trying to warn him.
There was an explosion at the cheese shop. De Brie was everywhere. It was days ago and there's Stiltons of it around. Chesticles - another name for man boobs. Losing at kickboxing is much more painful than losing at regular boxing. That's the agony of de feet . I bought some high top shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
Fred's conspiracy theorist uncle just moved into a ranch style house to get away from stairs. He claims they're either up to something or down for anything. Fred is starting up a gym for UK bands from the 1960s. At the moment I'm just working out a few Kinks. Fred got a letter from the city saying he’d be fined if he didn’t build a backyard enclosure for his dogs. Needless to say, He took a fence to that. Fred's wife said to stop calling every small repair “a project”. So now they’re “limited-time household events.”
You don't know the struggle of being a pastry chef... Until you've walked a mile in their choux's. Someone hurt Fred's arm with a tennis racquet. Fred took him to court. A doctor told Fred to notify his sexual partners that he has Sisyphus. There's no cure, and the treatment is long, arduous, and never-ending. Surgeons are usually good comedians. The often leave their audience in stitches.
Whenever Fred's wife gets anxious she files her fingernails. She says it really helps to take the edge off. The annual Estee Lauder company softball game was called off due to rain. A make up game is in the works. Scientists are attempting to produce antibiotics and other helpful drugs in the ocean. They’re calling it a farm asea. Scurvy. When life doesn’t give you lemons…
Fred asked a physicist friend if he often had his head in the clouds. He said "No, gravity keeps me down." Someone broke into Fred's house, stole a dozen eggs,and left a pan of boiling water on the stove. Police believe it was poachers. When Fred gets insecure around pretty women, he reaches into his pocket and grabs a tiny rock… It makes him feel a little boulder. Buy-sexual: A person who only goes on dates with prostitutes.
Fred bought some chainsaw-resistant clothes yesterday. They were almost $200 for the set, but at least they didn't cost an arm and a leg. Fred is okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana, but cocaine is where he draws the line. Unlike this month, next month May not be. Fred just came to the realization that He's developed a fetish for figuring things out.
A bus full of Elvis impersonators crashed on the way to Las Vegas. Nobody was hurt, but they were all shook up. My garden hose never worked because it was perverted. Too kinky. I used to be a referee… but I kept calling too many punalties. Fred watched a new tv series about mountain climbing. The last episode ended with a cliff hanger.
Fred bought a piano, made from many parts of old broken old pianos. It's a Frankenstienway. In laughter, the "L" comes first The rest of the letters come 'aughter' it. Many people say that turquoise is the best color. It's been cyantifically proven. Fred went to a wedding, but the groom never showed. Still, the wedding went off without a hitch .
Someone handed me a pamphlet with crocodile species ranked from best to worst. I said “enough with your crocodile tiers” There was a time Fred was so broke that he couldn’t pay his electricity bills. Those were the darkest days of his life. Fred changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar... His life is a joke. Fred watched a documentary about Anne Boleyn. There was no mention of her sister Tenpin.
Elvis Costello and ABBA are touring together this summer, but they can’t decide who’s headlining. I’m anxiously following all the news on ABBA and Costello... to see who’s on first. Fred has an artificial limb that predicts the future. It's a prophetic leg. Fred told his therapist that he dreams that he is either a yurt or a teepee. Therapist said, relax, you are too tents. Fred doesn't always mean to skip breakfast but he just can't help it, he is a cereal procrastinator.
Carpenters who build staircases are good planners. They're always thinking one step ahead. Fred is a SCUBA diver who always takes an extra tank with him. He airs on the side of caution. Inscribed on a dentist's tombstone: I am filling my last cavity, The best pants to wear to go ghost hunting? A paranormal jeans.