crotchety ruv

 

 

 

  A chicken has laid the world's tiniest egg… Farmers say that's gonna be hard to beat. Some chocolate factory workers started a hip-hop group. They called themselves The Candy Bar Rappers. Fred is no expert on masturbation, but he holds his own. Envelopes carry letters but without an address it takes one to no one.

 

 

  Fred had an obsessed girlfriend once, she looked at him and all she saw was diamonds and rubies. Her name was Gemini. People who cannot tell the difference between etymology and entomology…. …bug me in a way I cannot put into words. Shotgun wedding: A wife or death situation. Fred is a bankrupt historian. His business lies in ruins. He tried pivoting to archaeology but his business model was already in a state of decay.

 

 

  Fred is dating an entomologist. But she is really starting to bug him. Fred applied for a job as a mirror installer, but they turned him down. Said he  didn't reflect well on the company.

 

 

  Fred started reading a book about how the pyramids were built… but it’s taking forever to get to the point. Ate my last piece of cheese last night, and today, it's raining. Ain't no sunshine when cheese gone. When Fred was young, he wanted to be a historian. But those days are all in the past.

 

 

 

 

\  

  Fred’s plan to get rid of the poison ivy in his yard ….. turned out to be a rash decision, but he’s  just itching to tell you about it. What happened after the wheel was invented? A revolution. A live-in nanny with breast implants? Faux pair. Fred recently purchased a water bed His wife is worried they'll drift apart

 

 

  Fred quit his job working at a tire shop. Just too much pressure. Fred’s  electrician started meditating during work. He wanted to find his inner current, and was slowly chanting “ohm”. When you have a tough choice, make sure you bring a raincoat because you're in for some nasty whether. My wife told me that I can be an idiot sometimes, and I think it is cool that she gave me permission .

 

 

  A distinct flavor in Fred's herb-seasoned asparagus brought effusive praise at the potluck dinner. This was the fawning of the sage of asparagus. Fred bought two books about better decision making… And he doesn’t know which one to start first. The Omani national football team have been trying to get a new sponsor They looked all over but, Gillette is the best Oman can get. Not many people know this, but Shakespeare's Othello was an ordained minister who performed weddings. Like they say: The Moor, the marrier.

 

 

 

 

from barry...  

 

 

  Life is like marble: Don't take it for granite. Fred has a knack for admitting his own weaknesses. It's one of his strengths. A slippery slope.. is the path of least resistance. There's been a rash of home burglaries. Police are checking every crook and nanny.

 

  A nurse walks into a bank to deposit her pay check. She reaches into her purse to pull out a pen to sign her check. To her dismay, she pulls out a rectal thermometer. In frustration, she throws her arms up and shouts, "Oh, great! Some asshole has my pen! from doug...

  Happy medium: a psychic who loves their job. Fred called it curtains on his set designer career. He left without making a scene. Everybody laughs when they hear the name Uranus mentioned in the planet line up. However, Saturn has a nicer ring to it. Where do people who like to correct others get their water from? A well, actually.

 

 

  The Spice Girls are making a comeback… Makes scents that it’s being sponsored by Old Spice.   Fred opened up a cheese shop featuring Middle Eastern cheeses. It’s called, “Cheeses of Nazareth.“ This morning I had no trouble rolling out of bed. It did, however, take great effort to get off the floor. I get up at 3 or 4 every night to use the bathroom. That’s why they’re called the wee hours of the morning.