a double dose....

 When Fred's yoga teacher quit unexpectedly...

It left him in a very difficult position.

Fred offered his elderly neighbor $20 to give him a ride on her stairlift.
He thinks she’s gonna take him on it.

Fred has given up on gardening.
He just threw in the trowel.

Loom-inary: a master of weaving yarn or thread into cloth.

Fred constantly brags about how his bbq seasoning is the best.
He really likes to rub it in.

Fred refuses to go to funerals.
He's just not a mourning person.

Old people's feet are often in rough shape.
Because time wounds all heels.

Fred started a band called "The Hinges".
They opened for everyone.