crotchety ruv

 

Last week a young man on a bicycle pedaled up to the Parliament buildings and dismounted right at the main entrance.   A member of the parliamentary security force immediately approached him with a stern warning:   “You cannot park your bike here!  Don’t you realize that this entrance is used daily by the Prime Minister, Senators, Ministers, distinguished Members of Parliament, members of the press corps and many other VIPs?”   The young man thought for a second and replied  “ Don’t worry Sir….I’ll lock my bike. "  

 When Fred's wife saw her first strands of gray hair came in she thought she'd dye.   Father Christmas in an orange suit? Fanta Claus.   In 1976, they were saying that Fleetwood Mac was gonna break up. Turned out to be a bunch of nasty Rumours   A horse’s favorite Steely Dan song? Hay 19   There was a revolution at the poultry farm. It was a chicken coup.   Fred started writing a book about apathy once … He couldn’t be bothered finishing it   I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.   Fulldeckisms:  Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it  Hasn't caught on that X and Y are relative values  Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard  Hasn't got the brains God gave a cat   Having a party in his head, but no one else is invited  He demonstrates that beauty times brains is a constant  He donated his brain to science but they made an early ...

 

mine is bigger than yours......  

 

 

  Fred shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village's water. Didn’t go down well.   My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus This accusation has made me dumbfounded, awestricken, flabbergasted, stupefied and quite frankly, bewildered   When the Magi offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense. Mary was overcome with gratitude and began thanking them profusely. "But wait," they said, "there's myrrh!"   If a clown comes to your house and starts eating everything from your fridge, don't get offended. It's all ingest.   Today I crossed the road, walked into a bar and changed a lightbulb. Then I realized my whole life was a joke.   Eyelashes are designed to keep things out of your eyes, yet 95% of the time something gets in your eye, it's an eyelash.   In an effort to ease racial tension scientists have agreed to rename the Great White Shark the Moderately Okay Caucasian Fish   I lost my job as ...