Posts
I knew she was a ghost the minute she walked through the door. Fred is addicted to popping the joints in his knuckles. It's like crack. Fred's dentist told him that he had 'summer' teeth. Summer there, and summer not. Fred's cat ate a bunch of tinsel off the christmas tree. It now has tinselitis. If artists wear sketchers, do linguists wear converse? My wife asked me if I remembered that old church with the broken steeple. I said that it doesn't ring a bell. Fred tried to write a book about beer… … but couldn’t get beyond the first draft. The best way to catch a flamenco dancer? You castanet. Fred made a pair of pants out of spider web silk. They're really great, except... The fly keeps getting stuck. Fred is no onger allowed to sing Christmas Carols at the psychiatric hospital Apparently "Do You Hear What I Hear" was a poor song choice. Companies making butter alternatives are not faring well; they've got low profit margarines.
Fred has an idea for a pair of noise cancelling devices that only block out holiday cheer… He's calling them bahumbuds. A kid that doesn't believe in Santa? Rebel without a Claus. Fred had a Russian Uber driver yesterday, his name was Pikup Andropov. Laughter is the best medicine, although if you're laughing for no reason, you probably need medicine. Why do people say ‘tuna fish sandwich’? No one ever says ‘chicken bird sandwich’. A dairy farmer's favorite Blondie song? One Way or An Udder. It takes 9 months to create a baby But it feels like a maternity. If I could choose to have one superpower, it would be invisibility. I just want to make myself clear. Fred swore he would stop at nothing to achieve success. So when Fred achieved nothing, he stopped. Pope Francis has appointed the first millennial saint, his pronouns are he/hymn.