he's lost it.....gotta see

 Fred showed his wife his new tattoo, it's a spreadsheet tattooed across the chest.

She said "oh honey, you've excelled yourself this time!"

If you’re not supposed to eat at night…
Then why is there a light bulb in the fridge?

Fred got a new job at the hammer factory.
HE really nailed the interview.

What do you use to draw a bath?
Watercolors.