very true...

 

Fred gets a rash whenever he eats green leafy vegetables
This condition is known as “spin-itch”

 

I respect short people that try to reach things on the top shelf.
You really gotta hand it to them.

 

Peruvian Owls hunt in pairs because they are Inca hoots.

 

As a child Fred once hurt himself jumping from a roof while holding an umbrella.
He just didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

 

Did you hear about the depressed chickpea?
His life was all doom and leglume

 

A local bakery has plans to start making deliveries with drones.
Sounds a bit pie in the sky to me.

 

A fact worth remembering is that sharks will only attack you if you’re wet.

Drummers don't swear...
They percuss

 

What do you get from an educated oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.

 

Fred keeps having thoughts about enemas.
His therapist says he might have ass purger’s syndrome.

 

We decided we'd clean our place ourselves, and fired the housekeeper.
We told her she was maid redundant.

 

Does a donkey have the pronouns he/haw?

 

I really shouldn't have pressed CTRL+Z.
It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it turned out to be my undoing.

 

I now weigh a fraction of what I did in high school.
An improper fraction, but still, a fraction.