crotchety ruv

  A cross dressing vampire? Dragula. Okay, maybe Napoleon didn't design his coat.  But he definitely had a hand in it. As you get older you'll realise that you don't look good in certain things anymore. Like photos and mirrors for example. Fred never trusted lizards. Right from the gecko.

 

 

  Fred bought an expensive firstaid kit. He figured he’d treat himself. Fred is  proud of all his hobbies except for his microscope collection. He looks down on that one. Fred went to the doctor to get treated for a skin condition. The doctor said that he’d need more time to diagnose the problem because he didn’t want to make a rash decision. What do Dracula's duvet and a KOed boxer have in common? They are both down for the count.

 

 

  Abatement companies can’t guarantee they’ll remove ALL of the toxic substances from your new house… But they’ll try asbestos they can. When someone says to "hold your horses", they want you to be stable. Fred is dyslexic and has an absolute fascination with etymology which he says is the study of the history and origin of sword. When you think about it, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

 

  It seems that there is a world wide shortage of hobby horses for carousels. There aren’t enough to go around. What horses consider play, monkeys consider business, but to Tom, it's all foolery. It's ironic that pregnant women can only have virgin drinks. Transgender people aren’t what they used to be.

  A young man proposes marriage to his sweetheart. The girl replies, "If I marry you, will you promise to give up smoking?" "Yes, I will," came the reply. "And drinking?" "I will give up drinking as well." "And going to the club with your cronies?" "Yes, I will." "And what else will you give up for my sake?" she asked finally. "I have already given up the idea of marrying you."