crotchety ruv

 

 

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.   One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.   The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.   After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'   'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.   'WE HAVEN'T EVEN   SWEPT TOGETHER !'    

 Little Red Riding Hood was involved in an accident. Paramedics are on the scene but she's not out of the woods yet.   Noticed something very odd when reading the obituaries yesterday… everyone is dying in alphabetical order   I plan to live forever. So far, so good.   I’m done wearing my glasses, I’ve seen enough.   What do you call Turkish nonsense? Istanbulshit   Turned out everyone at the potluck was a vegan I feared for the wurst.   Technically, every restaurant is a drive-thru. It just depends how fast you're driving.   I went to a lecture about unmanned aircraft, but it was boring. The speaker just droned on and on.   What kind of operation changes how a pickle looks? Vlasic surgery   Fred's wife gets so frustrated with her sewing machine. She tears up everything afterwards. IIt’s true. You really do rip what you sew.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gjl80E1SSmM  

 

 

 

 

 A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.    Catholic: “I have a large fortune....I am going to buy Citibank!”    Protestant: “I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!”    Muslim: “I am a fabulously rich prince.... I intend to purchase Microsoft!”    They then all wait for the Jew to speak....    The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says:   “I'm not selling!!!...”