A must watch.... hilarious 😂
https://youtu.be/herKXDnY4XQ?si=B-mqUEAjIEU5WAob
Posts
My favorite winter coat is falling apart and I'm going to have to throw it out. Or sew its seams. Fred's old truck kept backfiring. He called it his hiccup truck. Fred's dog pays him rent for sleeping in the spare room. He's a boarder collie. Fred goes mad every time he visits the doctor. He’s clinically insane.
Fred's wife used her phone to video herself getting a haircut. He figures she plans to look at the highlights later. Jet Skis are poorly named. Obviously they are boatorcycles. Fred advised his daughter to find herself a good feller… So she married a lumberjack. Never get upset if someone else eats the last piece of pie. Just let pie-gones be pie-gones.
words of wisdom from doug...
In a relationship one person is always right and the other person is a male.
Fred wrote a fictional short story about Giovanni Coinci, the first Italian immigrant to open a dentistry private practice in this country. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely Coinci Dental. A country full of angry people? Ire-land. Fred named his quadruplets Pedro, Pierre, Pietro and Piotr. It was funny for a while, but the humor eventually Petered out. How can you convert dollars to pounds? By visiting McDonalds.
People who steal bathroom scales are seldom caught. They usually get a weigh with it. I hired a painter to do a family portrait, but he keeps drawing us as Star Trek villains. Turns out he’s a Khan artist. Fred hired a female sheep to distribute advertisements for his flower arranging business... ...because only ewe can present florist flyers. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
How many patients does a colorectal surgeon see in a day? A butt ton. Fred had a lot of problems learning to count to five in French. But eventually it cinq in. Fred turned down an offer for a work-from-home job He said that he wasn’t remotely interested. Ricardo Montalbán had trouble finding work after Star Trek. No one wants to hire an ex-Kahn.
A scientific study has determined that babies are born at womb temperature. In Britain it's called a “lift” but Canadians call it an “elevator”. I guess we are just raised differently. Fred's girlfriend poked him in the eyes. So he stopped seeing her for a while. Fred's car is not safe to drive at the moment. But bad brakes have never stopped him before.
She came in wearing a dress the color of pastrami, a blouse the color of rye bread and a scarf the color of sauerkraut. Some would say she was...Reubenesque. Fred doesn't have a carbon footprint. He just drives everywhere. There are fewer syllables in the phrase world wide web than in its abbreviation WWW. The term for when family generations have fewer and fewer children? The receding heirline.
Fred is trying to write a song about having his leg amputated. The last verse has him stumped. Sure geology rocks… … but cartography is where it’s at. There aren’t very many great singers in the world, but they sure have a lot of influence. They’re a vocal minority. I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
When Fred was visiting the Sahara, he thought that he saw 3 people having intercourse in the distance. It was only a mirage a trois. Fred thought about opening a one-size-fits-all casket company but he doesn't like to put people in boxes. Bob is a good name to have if you're dyslexic, and Lana is a very bad one. I told my friend he'd make a great father; I have a sixth sense. I see dad people.
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember." from doug...
Fred used to date a girl who made her own perfume. It didn’t work out, she was too self-scented. People kept telling Fred that he is a good softball pitcher. It's such an underhanded compliment. Fred went to see a UB40 tribute act called WD40. Says they were a bit stiff as the gig started but they gradually loosened up as the show went on. If you are attracted to both men and women but they're not attracted to you, does that make you bi-yourself?
A man in boxer shorts has been arrested… After leading police on a brief chase . Why do nuns all dress the same? It's just a habit. Fred ordered a custom perfume for his wife, but it took a long time to make it. When he asked them why it took so long, they said “aroma wasn’t built in a day”. Last night a man was hit over the head with a violin, then a clarinet and finally a French horn. Police say it was an orchestrated attack.
When a man describes something it is sometimes called "mansplaining". So if a woman does something similar, is it called a "broad overview"? Fred is always talking angrily about big black birds. He is raven mad. Fred's barn had a rodent problem so he got a cat named it Nuclear Bomb. He's a weapon of mouse destruction.
My neighbor showed up at my door and asked for a quick word.. I said, "Whoosh" Fred designed a new custom coat rack. He's proud of the work, but it isn’t something he can hang his hat on. Ever wonder how libraries store so many books? It's shelf explanatory really. If you eat too many Navy beans, you could end up with a dishonorable discharge .