he's lost it.....gotta see

 Fred was feeling pretty down and his wife said, “I wanted to cheer you up, so I got you an audiobook on weights and measures.”

He looked at her and said, “Thanks… that speaks volumes.“

Fred's wife was about to run her first half-marathon and said "The opening ceremony seems kind of low-key."
He said "You're Loki now, but you'll be Thor later."

You can't be mad at lazy people.
They probably didn't do anything.

Fred's favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch...
He calls it "Lunch."