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Fred says his wife is a sex object.
When he asks for sex, she objects.

Fred complained to his doctor that his arthritis was getting really bad.
Doctor told him it was just early onset rigor mortis.

Fred lost his job as a train engineer.
He just couldn't stay on track. It derailed his whole career.

Most tree species can be used for firewood.
But in the end they're all ash,

Someone just accused me of *plagiarism*.
Their words, not mine.

The pump in Fred's garden fountain quit.
It's now more of a fountain't.

I love hyperbole more than anyone else in the whole wide world.

A shark will only attack you if you're wet.



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