crotchety ruv

 

 

 

 

 

  The Rock band that was sponsored by Nabisco? OREO Speedwagon.   Fred is on his way to earning some passive income. He's got the passive part down.   The ocean that is the most clearly defined? The Specific Ocean.   Borrowing money makes one feel loanly.   Fred saw a bunch of naked people floating down the street. I was a flash flood.   The first time I rode an elevator it was an uplifting experience, the second time it let me down.

 

 

  It's not the minutes spent at the dinner table that make you gain weight. It's the seconds.   A couple of campanologists were having an argument. It was a right old ding dong.   Fred used to be confused about metamorphic rocks. Eventually he got the schist of it.   Fred never expected his deaf girlfriend to break it off with him.. ...but there were signs.   I'm trying to avoid another long argument about measuring angles. I don't need this to become a protracted dispute. The actress who always  brings her male child with her wherever she goes? Gillian Anderson.   What do socialist grammar nazis call each other? Commarades.   The average person is really mean.   It's hard to prove that you got food poisoning. You often don't have any solid evidence.   Fred said he was going to get a massage gun. I couldn't help but think, "That's a soothing way to kill people."

 

  Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?' When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone's eaten. What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A celebrity roast. What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts. Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant? Dinner costs an arm and a leg. Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it. Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man. One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like. Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, 'Gee, I hate my mother-in-law.' The 2nd replies, 'So, try the potatoes.'

  The bass notes in classical music give me a headache. My doctor says it's just lower Bach pain.   I write my apologies in dots and dashes. I’m fluent in remorse code.   Fred made a graph of all his past relationships... It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.   I like my milk dairy. I wouldn't have it any udder way.   My doctor told me I’m going deaf. That news was hard to hear.   I was recently told that I have bad posture. But I've always had a hunch. Fred said that his dog bogs 47 times a day. But that is just a ruff estimate.   Fred's town is having a town wide clean up day this fall. It is literally a litter rally.   Wear sunscreen... To avoid a light injury.   Fred is dyslexic but has a positive outlook.  When life hands him lemons, he makes melonade.   Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.   I could be a morning person if morning started around noon.