Gordisms...

 Fred only ever gardens with his eyes shut. 

The hedge trimming is impressive, but the way he cuts grass…is totally blind mowing.

The tallest tree in California is hard to describe.

It has a certain je ne sequoia.

My foot fell asleep, it was almost coma-toes.

Fred pulled a muscle when he was digging for gold.

He's okay now, just a miner injury,

I saw a documentary about what happens when you wake up.
It was eye-opening.

The difference between an Indian restaurant and a Vietnamese restaurant?
One is naan profit, the other is pho profit.

My system for organizing record albums is almost perfect, but it has trouble with British bands from the 60s.
I’m still working out The Kinks.

A hurricane rolls into a millibar.
The bartender looks it in the eye as it downs a bunch of water and then storms off.

Fred broke up with his girlfriend because she’s left-handed.
It wasn’t right.

Fred didn’t know if he was living in the past, present or future.
It made him tense.

Ships were having trouble docking at a newly constructed harbor.

There were too many berth defects.

Fred was once in a band called Teenager’s Bed.
They never made it.