some great ones here today...

 If everyone in the world started wearing clogs ... chaos wooden shoe.

A German thief was apprehended after stealing a large statue of Bismarck.

Charged with grand theft Otto.

When a pirate used his teeth to check the gold content of a doubloon...
...did it become a bitcoin?

Plastic surgery used to be a controversial topic.
Now when you mention botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

A magician pulled a pig out of his hat.
It was a masterful display of sleight of ham.

Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet.
More on this story as it unfolds.

Fred was having trouble convincing his wife that they were eating too many hotdogs.
He had to have a frank discussion with her.

Fred got into a heated argument with his neighbour over the height of his new fence.
Thankfully it's blown over now.

I just learned about something called recency bias.
It's my favorite thing ever.

Fred lost his job at the soy sauce factory.
I wanted to make a joke about losing such a great job, but I don't like to kikoman when he's down.