I'm tired of politicians asking for money and then burning through it.

Those guys are always razing funds.


I recently tried Kangaroo beer.
I could really taste the hops.

A Roman Emperor with asthma?
Julius Wheezer.

Have you ever seen the digits on the bottom of breakfast food boxes?
You'll see it's a cereal number.

Yesterday, I wore something from 10 years ago and it still fit.
It was socks but I'm taking the win.

I would really like things to spiral into control every once in a while.


I went to a cheap clothing store today…
…and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

Liam Payne didn’t know if you fall off a balcony you can only go…
…one direction.

Fred once got into an argument with a knight.
But they sworded it out.

Someone that only makes iced coffees?
A Brrrrrista.

Fred gets annoyed when he can't find a clean towel after his shower.
He suffers from irritable towel syndrome.

Astronomers dislike vegetarian restaurants.
They prefer something meteor.



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