Gordisms...

 Fred told me he hated carnivals...

We argued, but his points were Fair.

Every politician’s favorite animal?
The Giant Pander.

Fred is fighting an addiction to country dancing.
He's now in a good two-step program.

A forest ranger  saved a buck from going over a cliff by grabbing his antlers.
He hung on for deer life.

Fred's wife thinks he's having an affair
He took her golfing for the first time and she said "there's no way you can spend so much time and money on something you're this bad at."

My anatomy class had to assemble a human skeleton and I hid one of the arm bones as a joke...
No one found that humerous.

I could never be friends with a seamstress.
They're too clothes-minded.

A bunch of hypocrites went to war.

They marched under a double standard.

The inventor of Velcro died recently.
Rip.

An animal that only eats circus performers?

Carnyvore.

Fred is really good at drawing perpendicular lines.
His skill is unparalleled.

I thought about starting a diet.
But at the moment I just have too much on my plate.