Gordisms...

 

I’m devastated. My nascent singing career has been derailed by a vocal cord injury.

It’s hard to say what I’ll do next.

Fred has sex daily.

His doctor told him it’s completely common to have his letters all jumbled up.

THe kind of fish you catch with a bookworm?

Read snapper.

All of a sudden every tree I see is a pine tree or a fir tree…

My psychiatrist says I am experiencing Conifer-mation bias.

Some people confuse Ribeyes with T-Bones but it’s nothing serious…

It’s just a case of misteaken identity.

If you’re ever stranded on a sheet of ice, you won’t be able to steer it.

You’ll just have to go with the floe.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be able to order take out telepathically?

Now that is food for thought.

When the Naval academy admissions committee reviews applicants.......

Do they sort them as innies and outies?

A prostitute is a member of the fare sex.

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

Sound engineers are not good as co-workers.

They never accept any feedback.

Procrastination is like masturbation.

It feels good at first but soon you'll realize the only person you scre

wed was yourself.