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Gordisms...

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  I’m devastated. My nascent singing career has been derailed by a vocal cord injury. It’s hard to say what I’ll do next. Fred has sex daily. His doctor told him it’s completely common to have his letters all jumbled up. THe kind of fish you catch with a bookworm? Read snapper. All of a sudden every tree I see is a pine tree or a fir tree… My psychiatrist says I am experiencing Conifer-mation bias. Some people confuse Ribeyes with T-Bones but it’s nothing serious… It’s just a case of misteaken identity. If you’re ever stranded on a sheet of ice, you won’t be able to steer it. You’ll just have to go with the floe. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be able to order take out telepathically? Now that is food for thought. When the Naval academy admissions committee reviews applicants....... Do they sort them as innies and outies? A prostitute is a member of the fare sex. How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream. Sound engineers are not good as co-workers. They n
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Gordisms...

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  For their first date, Fred took his girlfriend to an ice rink where entry was half price. She called him a cheap skate. I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest. So I entered my friend. Fred got fired on the first day of his new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking." Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial." In the 1600s, Rene Descartes was conceptualizing a video conferencing program. Cogito, ergo Zoom. Fred's dog was rushed to the vet after swallowing a tennis ball. The vet said he’ll bounce back. My spiritual guide makes cheese as a hobby. I'm hoping he'll show me the whey. Fred can transform into a bowl of minestrone. He’s soup or human. A Japanese chef was arrested for financial crimes. He was involved in a ponzu scheme. Don’t troll fishermen. They’ll take their anchor out on you. Fred says the only way to really sharpen a pencil is to do it with a knife by hand. I want to tell
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