Posts
I’m going to be on the tv show ‘hoarders’. I won’t tell you what happens though, I don’t like giving stuff away. Fred and his longtime girlfriend split up after they both completed a half marathon. At least they had a good run. The music genre that most chiropractors listen to? Hip-Pop. The hardest part of remote work is convincing your neighbors you aren't actually unemployed.
Fred studied pun making in college. He majored in sighcology . Fred started a counterfeit company. It was slow at first but now he's making good money. There is a new restaurant in town called Karma. There's no menu, you get what you deserve. You would not have to manage your anger if people would manage their stupidity.
What do you call getting coerced into doing something by a Frenchman? Pierre pressure. Fred tried to write a joke about double entendres… But he couldn’t quite put it to bed. Fred has a new job - trying to find the smallest species of Ursus. To be honest he does the bear minimum. Fred couldn't get cell phone reception while visiting the cemetery. It was a dead zone.
The Vatican is releasing an online payment system to absolve you of your sins. They're calling it PaPal. Fred went to a psychic the other day who was severely depressed. Turns out, there was no happy medium . A microbiologist dropped a Petri dish. It resulted in severe culture shock. I thought I'd been stung by a wasp while eating sushi, but it turned out it wasabi.
After years of being an addict, Fred checked himself into Waltzers anonymous. It's a three step program. It's hard to play poker with an origami expert. They always fold. You don't have to be faster than the bear. You just have to be faster than anyone else on the hike. Fred's wife insisted that they didn't need to spend money to hire someone to help her through her pregnancy, but now she is having a midwife crisis.
Fred changes the wheels on cars for a living. It's tiresome work. Fred bought a lambswool sweater online, but it was a fake. He got fleeced. He feels very sheepish now. Fred is having a problem remembering how to fix his digestive problems. He thinks it has to do with his medicine called milk of amnesia. Someone born in '33 was 45 in '78. That's got to be a record.
The ancient Romans painted their arena vibrantly. That's why they called it the colourseum. Some people have a bus stop fetish. It's how they get off. There are many books based on an evil governments with thought police. Estimates put it anywhere from 451 to 1984. A lot of people text while driving. I’m not excusing it, but we’ve all done things we regret when we’re drunk.
Fred kept going on and on about what they should put in the empty drawer. . . His wife said to put a sock in it. Fred inadvertently hit a baseball into a guy's face that resulted in an angry look. It was a scowl ball. What type of dinosaur was in the Epstein files? Pte-redact-yl. My father's advice: "if you got up there on your own you can get down on your own". Great father. Awful air traffic controller.
I was hooked on estate auctions after only going once ... ...going twice… There is a new international soccer organization that has been created for really tall people. It's called FIFAFOFUM. Fred's band is called The Infield. All their hits are singles. I've never watched a complete game of jai alai. I've only seen the jai alaits.
My therapist says I have a hard time verbalizing my emotions. Can't say I'm surprised. Fred walked through the airport holding a basketball. He was travelling. Fred's wife said quilts are better than duvets, so he said that she should be more careful making blanket statements. I watched that show 50 Things To Do Before You Die. You would have thought the obvious one was, ‘shout for help'.
A sure sign that a democracy has become impotent? When it can no longer maintain an election. When Fred sees the price of gas these days he's left sick and breathless. He has a case of car owner's virus. The waterway with the biggest impact on the price of chick peas? The Strait of Hummus . The jacket that is in fashion near the French Riviera? A Monacoat.
