FUN FACTS: Trump is the oldest president in U.S. history. He's also the first president whose age is higher than his IQ.
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I was taking a stab at coming up with some sword fighting puns, but I couldn’t find any words with a duel meaning. According to my doctor, I’m not getting enough fiber in my diet. This news has been really hard to digest. How happy is Fred now that his cloning experiments finally worked? He's beside himself. Santa is surprisingly good at public speaking. He really knows how to present.
Fred's wife told him that he's average. That's mean. Attic renovations are less costly than basement renovations. There’s less overhead. I used to think that Steven Tyler had a real band… But it was all an Aeromyth. Harrison Ford stars as Joseph, saving Baby Jesus from three wise guys, in the upcoming Holiday adventure “Clear and Present Manger”. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself I would be glad to do it for you.
Karate for people with one arm? Partial arts. Fred passed the Flags of the World test with flying colors. When in doubt, know who you are going to blame. There are 4 phases of life: You believe in Santa Claus. You don't believe in Santa Claus. You are Santa Claus. You look like Santa Claus. The police station was robbed of all their scuba gear. Guess they'll never get to the bottom of it. Especially not since all their K9 gear was also stolen, so they have no leads. But, all the confiscated drugs are still there, so they may have a crack at it. And their guns and ammo is also still there, so I bet they'll take a shot at it.
Fred lost his job as a waiter. Manager said he just didn’t bring enough to the table. If a cat's hair stretched to an eighth of a mile, it would be furlong indeed. Santa Claus is known for his punctuality. He always arrives in the Nick of time. I don't care for math puns, but I can make one if I half two.
Fred tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a total waist of time, but at least it held his pants up for a minute. There's a new movie coming out about mobile homes. You've got to see the trailer. Fred is tired of driving his co-workers to the office. He's developing carpool tunnel syndrome . Never run with bagpipes. You could get kilt.
I was reminiscing fondly about a herb garden from when I was younger. Good thymes . They say that you can cause the death of a pair of pigeons by yelling at them really loudly. It’s possible to kill two birds with one’s tone. Fred works in robotics but he’s not making any real money. He doesn’t have a bot to piss in. Fred told me he does not understand how cloning works. I said that makes 2 of us.
A child sticking a fork into an electric socket would be shocking. Doing it a second time re-volting. Fred made a film about a person who becomes a drug dealer. It's a coming of H story. Growing up with scoliosis is literally a sad backstory. Fred the circus clown was asked if it was hard work. He replied "It's no small feet".
How did medieval kings get their squires to go to sleep? They good knighted them. Everyone knows President Macron is terrible at making coffee. It's all over the French press. Fred dreamt he was a Formula 1 driver. He was fast asleep. Fred has a joke about anxiety. But he's worried that people won't like it.
Women don’t just suddenly enter menopause. It happens ova time . A student asked Mrs. China if that was her real last name. SHe said no, it was actually her made in name. A beautiful woman won the foot race. She was pretty fast. My wife asked me if I know what it's like to eat an entire box of Sicilian pastries. I said, " I cannoli imagine it."
Fred bought a Russian advent calendar. Every time you open a window, an oligarch falls out. The pizza place that only serves pizza with small fish on it? Domminnows. The movie “Deja Vu” died at the box office. Everyone thought they’d already seen it. How do you pay a horse trainer? In cash, under the stable.
A gang of jewel smugglers hid diamonds inside some rabbits. Apparently they fed them carats. When you only have one slice of cheese it’s called provolone. But if you have multiple slices it’s called provtogether. Inspired by America changing the Department of Defense to the department of war, Putin decided to follow suit. His Ministry of Defense has now been renamed to the Ministry of Defenestration. Fred tried to get his girlfriend to go swimming with his Polar Bear Club. It didn’t work out well; she ended up getting cold feet.
Fred warned his kids about using their whistle in the house and gave them one last chance. Unfortunately…They blew it. A little kid took his dad's drill thinking it would be a fun toy. He eventually got bored with it. Have you ever seen cheetah kittens? They grow up so fast, A famous chocolatier developed a new product line with 50% less moisture. Dryer Lindt.
Canada and Denmark participated in the whiskey war... Their militaries are now the only ones with specialists trained in bourbon warfare. Fred got fired from the Viagra factory after being accused of stealing. Guess they don’t want hard workers. Police Officer: "Why are you driving around with a book in your hands?" Fred: "It's a long story..." Crows are losing their ability to communicate. Scientists are scrambling to find the caws.
I found some mixed cooking spices and the ingredients included eye of newt and toe of frog... Must be the seasoning of the witch. Fred is a regular old timer. His back hurts every second. My wife said she'd love me more if I was a mute. That's not saying much. Fred is very proud of the work he did on his coffee business. He built it from grounds up.
