from doug...

 Man:  I want to live forever

Priest:  Then get married

Man:  Then I'll live forever?

Priest:  No, but you won't want to live forever!

 

 Ladies, never apologize to a man, just sleep naked and see how long he wants to stay mad.

 

Dear people who type in all lower case, we are the difference between people who help your Uncle Jack off the horse, and help your uncle jack off the horse.  Sincerely, Capital Letters.

 

Wife:  Do you love me just because my father died and left me a fortune?

Husband:  Of course not, it doesn't matter to me who left the fortune.

 

A recent study shows that women who carry extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

 

Put 100 women and 10 men on an island, and in 100 years you'll find men, women, boys and girls.

Put 100 trans-women and 10 men on an island, and in 100 years you'll find the skeletons of 110 men.

Sorry folks, it's science.

 

Marriage is like a casino, you go in excited and optimistic, but end up leaving drunk, broke, and talking to yourself.