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Fred interrupted his wife to tell her that Bruce Lee had a brother who hated jokes. She sighed and said, “…Seriously?” Fred said, “Whoa…you’ve heard of him??” Apparently Sting is often seen in the red light district of Amsterdam. He goes for a massage in a brothel. A newly released study has discovered that sausages are linked... ...to other sausages. Fred's family used to have a bunch of Holsteins, but his father always thought they were Angus. Fred got tired of his pop calling the cattle black .
Melania Trump wrote an autobiography. It was titled Tart of the Deal. Fred and his wife have 5 sons called Hubert, Robert, Norbert, Philbert, and Delbert. I guess they don't have any bert control. What do you call a flying nun? A bird? A plane? Nope, nun of the above. 9 months isn't really that long... It only feels like a maternity
Fred took his enemy to a steakhouse. He had beef with him. Fred asked his wife what was wrong and she said she was feeling kinda blue. He said, “So that’s why you’re cyan.” When I was little, my mom used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it. I didn’t really. She was just putting words in my mouth. Fred often leaves dirty dishes to soak overnight. It helps him fill his daily quota of procrastination.
Growing up, Fred could never really understand his German mother when she spoke. She had a tendency to Mutter. South Korea doesn't have multiple currencies. There’s only won. Fred just listened to his favorite Italian classic rock band. Led Zeppole and their hit Whole Latte Love. A group of people smoking weed? Joint Coalition.
Fred used to travel a lot. Good man. Terrible basketball player. I watched a documentary about U-Haul last night on Youtube. I thought it was genuinely moving. British vultures won't get angry if you disturb them while they are eating. They just keep calm and carrion. If a midget has an orgasm, is that a shortcoming? Fondue is just reverse grilled cheese.
The event in Alaska that POTUS should compete in? The Idiot-arod. A radiator shop is a great place.. to take a leak. When I first met my wife, I showed her how to burn a wound in order to prevent infection. It might not sound that romantic, but that’s how I cauterize. Fred had a slip and fall at Sherwin Williams... What a paint in the ass that was.
The store that sells remedies for halitosis? Bad Breath and Beyond. Fred bought some glow-in-the-dark garden rocks but they didn't work. It was falsephorescence. Fred angered two people by calling them hipsters... Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins. Fred brought the groceries inside only to discover there was something leaking in the bags. Turned out he bought hole milk.
Fred is deaf and since he fractured his arm, he only speaks in broken English. Fred started dating a mime. They're not talking yet, but things are going great. When you're traveling in France, you shouldn't eat finger foods with your left hand. It's considered gauche. Someone asked me how I found out about REO Speedwagon. I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend.
Fred found some cigarettes at the thrift shop. They were second hand smokes. Fred always does the limbo when going on first dates. It lowers the bar. Fred was feeling down yesterday and asked his wife "Am i useless?" She said "No honey, you are not useless, you can be used as a bad example." Tennis players are the most humble people. No matter how rich they get, they still serve others."
Restaurant Manager: Why should we hire you as a waiter? Fred: For starters, I bring a lot to the table. Fred's kids pranked him by putting glue on his favourite deck of playing cards. He is having a hard time dealing with it. There will always be a high tide and a low tide. And that is a shore thing. The next Olympics are expected to have a new event where you drink 10 cups of herbal tea. It’s called the decaflon. Fred met his wife blowing up and testing balloons at a toy factory where they both worked. It took them 2 years to tie the knot.
So, you've bought a flock of sheep and they're all rams? Sounds like ewe problem. Ever since Fred injured himself when bicycling home after a night out.... He can't handle bars. In Texas they never forget to serve pie with ice cream. It's a matter of Texan pride: remember the à la mode. Fred quit his construction job because everything was too heavy. He had to give his too weak notice.
