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A pirate's favourite socks? Arrrr-gyle. Fred lost his girlfriend because he is a compulsive gambler. All he can think of now is how to win her back. Fred asked a bunch of people what they thought about one sixtieth of a minute. He was looking for a second opinion. The sketching competition that Fred entered ended in a draw. Fred perfected an internal combustion engine to power a generator and it runs entirely on shredded envelopes and notepads. The only drawback is that you can't use it to power a vehicle; it's a stationary engine. I just learned about confirmation bias. And yes, it’s just as I thought. Fred got fired from a dairy farm for his reckless behaviour. He was a serious danger to himself and udders. Fred smokes cigars very slowly. His family complains about the hour-hand smoke. They’re filming a remake of My Cousin Vinny in the Middle East. Starring Harissa Tomei. In this day and age, are postcards a waste of time? It's something worth addressing.
I've just joined a dating site for arsonists. I've been sent a lot of matches. Fred tried to make friends with some dolphins… But they were too cliquey. Newfoundland dogs swim in cold ocean water and rescue stranded victims with minimal issues. They really are good buoys. My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong! Don't buy shares in Johnny Walker. It's a whiskey investment. What do you call a stiff drink in the arctic? A double ontundra. Mike Tyson wasn't very religious. He punched people in the faith. Over a century ago, two brothers were determined to prove that humans could fly. As you can see, they were Wright. Floor may be wet, sorry for the incontinence. With no power comes no responsibility.
Kim Jung-Un has read every book ever written... That's why they call him the Supreme Reader . Tomorrow was voted to be the most popular day to start a diet. I make noises every time I stand up. I'm a groan man. It’s not easy having erectile dysfunction. It’s not hard, either. Fred got fired from a clothing store. He apparently has hanger management issues. Police chased down a guy who stole a satchel full of documents. It was actually a brief chase. Fred asked a polygamist about his marriages. He said "six women seems like a bit much dozen tit"? A gentleman is a man that can play bagpipes but chooses not to. A female relative who watches your kids? Vigil-aunty. Color blind people often harbor jealousy towards those with normal vision. They’re gray with envy.
from doug...
There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up." Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time". The next week the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time". As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free sex".
Fred's mom made a bad choice when she got re-married to an army officer. He was a Major faux pas . How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience. A VIA train had 8 engineers in the cab. Apparently they were training. I once measured how tall I was by stacking up cans of baked beans. In Heinz height it was a stupid idea. Fred worked as a trapeze artist until he was let go. He couldn't get the hang of it. Fred's wife won’t come to karaoke night. He has to duet alone. Silk, linen, polyester. Don't mind me, just trying out some new material. At the airport my friend suggested we disguise ourselves as luggage. But I said "Let's not get carried away." Funny how hyphenated is non-hyphenated, but non-hyphenated is hyphenated. Fred's wife never stops talking about photography. You just can’t shutter up.
Someone that can only have sex with prostitutes? Buy sexual. Fred was asked about his greatest accomplishments in life… He said that his kids are his magnum oopses. Fred was working at the eyeglass factory and got caught in the lens grinder… …really made a spectacle of himself. Fred comes from a family of failed magicians. He has two half-sisters. If a lawyer can be disbarred... Can a musician be denoted? Or a model deposed? Fred doesn't care if he gets coffee from Starbucks, Tim's, or made at home. He gets caffeinated by any beans necessary. Fred just got a job as a trucker at the Planters factory. He's driving them nuts. A naked man covered in chickpeas? Hummus sexual. Count Dracula had a makeover. It was a total revamp. Norseferatu: famous Norwegian vampire.
The four seasons are all different. Summer warmer than others. Scientists have made the world’s strongest suction cup. I’m not quite sure how they pulled it off. Fred went to a costume party dressed as a car key... They threw him out because it looked like he might start something. My wife told me our town doesn’t have any good housekeeping services. I told her she should start one, she would clean up. What kind of pants does a ghost hunter wear? Just a paranormal pants. I was a cereal farmer and I kept getting headaches after harvesting my crops. The doctor says it was my grains. Fred was asked if he could name a country with no "r". He said no way. Chemists are great at solving problems. They have many solutions. Fred kept testing out bad dairy jokes on me. I told him to do butter. A classically trained pianist bought an expensive electric keyboard. He was having a midi life crisis.
