Gordisms...

 

A news reporter just uncovered a massive criminal ice cream conspiracy.
It was a huge scoop.

 

Fred attempted to learn how to juggle chainsaws.

He gave up after he became stumped.

 

An obese rodent?
Double-chinchilla.

 

It's a lot easier to fly a plane than a helicopter.
With a plane you can just wing it.

 

Fred got his wife purple thorny flowers for her birthday.
He thought "thistle make her happy!"

 

I don't know if spinach is good for your muscles.
But weed is good for your joints.

Fred said that women wearing camouflage are sexy.
I just don't see it.

 

Back in the 80s, celebrated athlete Florence Joyner refused to practice in the karate school attached to the Howard Johnson's she was staying in, citing quality concerns.
FloJo no go so-so HoJo dojo.

 

Fred is not fat…
He's a roll model.

 

Someone who feels the agony of being in crowds down in their bones?
An introvertebrate.

 

Fred failed history class in school.
Proving that those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it.

 

Fred stole a board game the other day...
He's a real Risk taker.