crotchety ruv

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fred is on a plan to become invisible. I can't see where he's going with this.   I learned how to cut down trees with the past tense. First you see it, then you saw it.   Fred is  thinking of starting a pasta restaurant. All the ingredients are locally sauced.   Do you like library jokes? Personally, I think they're quiet funny.   The scariest part of that song "Born To Be Wild" is when they find a head out on the highway.   You might think a duet between a kazoo and a timpani would be interesting, but it's actually quite humdrum.   It sucks when an argument ends with an agreement rather than you being totally correct.  

 

 

 

 

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/magician-isn-t-afraid-reveal-201840738.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAALnAtBjln-vTxdCRjP7qTU-G0CD3d3eqfkLR5QSC2m3IdRVs2Fe0K3L759BNo2F1HEJd7v3muX2kO9B9GP-kBZq_jZYFOPcgDvVtQ2dDk8No0Qy0sjrAmIE03EG0ER_CT6ezPCbr9pxAaHocJu2O2sZv4nVbUFYMUG6vk5IgISyu  

  Even if you were conceived in the back of a Jeep Cherokee, that doesn’t give you the right to claim you’re a Native Canadian.

  What do you call a dental hygienist contemplating the mysteries of life? A floss-opher   If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks It could cost an arm and a leg   There is a new store that only sells one shoe out of a pair, catering to amputees... It's called "Foot Lacker"   Swallowing food coloring won't kill you... ...but you'll dye a little on the inside.   What happened to the guy who narrowly avoided falling into the wood chipper? Not mulch.   An Italian car cut in 2? Halfa Romeo   Slogan for a porta-potty company... "We go where you go."

https://www.facebook.com/386477985290883/posts/pfbid0bFRoB6vYMe89enJ2VeEo1vDh8EnZ7srrmoWSdKZFmWdrATHqMKBwgJWx7SK9Fx5Ql/  

 

 

 

  There is a  new store called Moderation They have everything in there.   What do you call an electrician who has been fired ? Discharged   Fred proclaimed that his method for using toilet paper was the best. He’s a wipe supremacist.   Prime numbers seem so desirable. They are oddly satisfying.   Botox is now 75% off That’s a deal that should raise a few eyebrows   I can tolerate many forms of corruption in politics ...but gerrymandering is where I draw the line.   If dogs were cannibals, then it would really be a dog eat dog world.

 

 

 

If there is one thing we've learnt from archaeologists.... ...it's that our ancestors were extremely good at burying things.   Cemeteries have raised their prices again... They have blamed it on the cost of living.   Fred and his wife  are growing concerned about their dyslexic son’s goth phase. He’s becoming obsessed with Santa and his fallen angles.   The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.   Fred  could not keep his corn flakes down this morning. It was advercereal.   Proofreading id a lost ort.   Mom always gave us two choices for dinner, take it or leave it.   A good paradox is the worst    

If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?  

 

 

 

 

  They're called Prime Ministers because their only interests are number one and themselves   If you are tormented by a nagging sense that someone has borrowed you, you are not a loan.   A good pun is it’s own reword.   If my memory gets any worse, it'll be as bad as I can ever remember.   I'm finally part of the "In" crowd! Insomnia, insane, in-debt....   A psychiatrist recently increased his appointment fees. He was accused of shrinkflation.   Fred was once in a band called The Sewing Machines He was lead Singer   "I've lost a lot of weight", Fred expounded  

 

 

 

 

  I love tennis puns, but I try not to take advantage of them.   American college football is introducing the Rosary Bowl Every play is a Hail Mary   My doctor says that my cholesterol is high and I need to stop eating trans fats. I told him that it's ok, they identify as vegetables.   Dad used to say, "don't be too quick to find faults." He was a great dad, but a terrible geologist.   Bono is terrible at scavenger hunts… He STILL hasn’t found what he’s looking for   Reports of police around gas stations in London They’ve been petroling   I had my back against the window when I felt a shutter down my spine   Always be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you.