Posts
Don't throw false teeth at your vehicle, you might denture car. Fred had an awful chicken sandwich at a fast food joint. It was a fowl burger. A farmer said something about how different moon phases affect the milking of cows. I think it was udder nonsense. It’s been so long since Fred went running that he couldn’t recall what his old route was… He had to jog his memory. Peruvian Owls hunt in pairs. They are Inca Hoots.
If you don’t have enough utensils to attack the food on your plate You need reinforkments. Where do you often find a dead body? In the coroner of the room. Look, I don't want to sound conceited, but when I left the hotel I'm pretty sure that the receptionist was checking me out. One hair style many people are not looking forward to... Dreads. “Seven” has “even” in it, which is odd. Botox should sponsor the World Series of Poker. Thousands of years ago some stray dogs wandered into the Australian outback looking for food. It dingo so well. If you can't look at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you're probably still an idiot. Fred managed to resuscitate a comedian the other day. He’s now on laugh support. Fred wears a size 11 shoe, but he’s trying to squeeze into a pair of size 9… No small feat. Are hornets and wasps just wannabees?
These days you're asked to tip everywhere you go. It seems rather gratuitous. The doctor told me my prostate was good. I was deeply touched. The reason carpenters often switch projects? Because they get board. Fred was in a very quick staring contest the other day... It was over in a blink of an eye. Arthritis is just your joints getting ready for rigor mortis. Never use double negatives, they are a no no. I saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless. The most narcissistic of all physicians is the ophthalmologist. It's always eye, eye, eye. A gang started to steal all kinds of rocks containing metal. That's oreganized crime. A group of travellers who are never angry? Nomads. Paul McCartney was disqualified from the London Marathon. Banned on the Run.
Fred had to take the lawn mower back to the shop. It just wasn't cutting it. My old step ladder keeps tipping over. I just can't stand it. I wanted to go on a long bike ride earlier but decided not to, Cycling is two-tiring, Walnuts, berries and fatty fish are all very good for your brain. Food for thought. Fred claims that he is the king of his castle. But his kids insist it’s a mom-archy. Did you hear about the sick Instagrammer? She was an influenzer. Fred ran into a big glass window. He was in a lot of pane. A famous astronaut died recently. I found out by reading the orbituary. If a man gets married, has he been groomed? People who have a fetish for accomplishing their plans come to fruition.
Growing up my dad always said “Gallons”, “Quarts”, “Pints”, and “Cups”. It just spoke volumes to me. In his time in the Tour de France, Lance Armstrong was not only taking performance enhancing drugs.. He was also peddling. Fred has Parkinson’s. He can’t hold a steady job. Of all the cold cuts and sausages in the world... ...the ones from Germany are the wurst. Sometimes I forget to tie my shoes. Lately it happens more often than knot. It is known that there are five Great Lakes in North America… but one is truly Superior. My doctor suspects I might have monkeypox. I’ll swing by his office tomorrow. My kayak has...one oars power. If you are in a hurry and have to throw up... Does it become a running gag? The odds that you’ll laugh at this joke are pun-in-a-million. My friends keep telling me that I’m the cheapest person they have ever met. I’m not buying it.
Fred keeps saying that comforters, duvets and quilts are the same thing. I wish he would stop making blanket statements. A limbo dancer married a locksmith. The wedding was low-key. 16⅔, 33⅓, 45 and 78 A quick memory should recall the significance of these numbers in, well, in record speed . Fred has an abusive relationship with his Gym. He keeps hitting it, and it keeps hurting him. Why didn't Rembrandt have money? Like most artists of his period, he was Baroque. A microbiologist is a person who washes their hands before they go to the bathroom. When Janis Joplin sang about producing clarified butter with her british police officer friend: Me and my bobby make ghee. Fred had a teacher that would only say things that weren’t true. Everybody hated Ms. Information. If we remove all of the margarine on earth…. the world will be a butter place. I started writing a Scandinavian dad joke. But there was norway I could finnish it.
