Gordisms...

 

Fred keeps saying that comforters, duvets and quilts are the same thing.
I wish he would stop making blanket statements.

 

A limbo dancer married a locksmith.
The wedding was low-key.

 

16⅔, 33⅓, 45 and 78
A quick memory should recall the significance of these numbers in, well, in record speed.

 

Fred has an abusive relationship with his Gym.
He keeps hitting it, and it keeps hurting him.

 

Why didn't Rembrandt have money?
Like most artists of his period, he was Baroque.

 

A microbiologist is a person who washes their hands before they go to the bathroom.

When Janis Joplin sang about producing clarified butter with her british police officer friend:
Me and my bobby make ghee.

 

Fred had a teacher that would only say things that weren’t true.
Everybody hated Ms. Information.

 

If we remove all of the margarine on earth….
the world will be a butter place.

 

I started writing a Scandinavian dad joke.

But there was norway I could finnish it.

 

Fred is a free thinker just enjoying life.
Although the technical term is "unemployed".