lmao....
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Neil Diamond actually started out being called Neil Coal. But he changed his name when the pressure got to him. Sally quit her seaside seashell business and bought a Batteries Plus franchise. Now she sells C-cells by the seashore. Tom Petty explained the most difficult job at a restaurant. The waiting is the hardest part. Pirates are considered indigenous people in Canada. It’s because they arrrr métis. For Riel. While digging for gold, a prospector got a splinter in his hand. It was just a miner inconvenience. The spinner on my board game broke. That’s when things got a little dicey. Why do some many people have a problem with Scott Fitzgerald? I hear people say “F…. Scott Fitzgerald” all the time. Fred has been accepted into barber school. Looks like he made the cut. A superhero with no sense of direction? Wander Woman. A girl who's always bumping into things? Jocelyn. Have you ever considered that each time yo
Fred tried to make a joke about fog, but he just didn't see it... What a mist opportunity. A local awning dealer is being investigated by the police. They are making too many shady deals. Dollar bills are cash. But the guy who rings up your groceries… Is cashier. Fred has been sad since he went to the Bahamas. It's a tropical depression. The sentence "Are you as bored as I am?" can be said backwards and still makes sense. I accidentally glued the tip of my thumb to the tip of my index finger, looks like everything is going to be OK from now on. Fred bought his wife some new beads for her abacus. It's the little things that count. The most boring dog breed? Great Mundane. The Who have started a new chain of fitness clubs for adolescents interested in bodybuilding. It's called "Teenage Weights Land". Fred just won the local Lazy Award again. That's twelve years not running. Fred save
DIVORCE HEARING IN ITALY..* > > > > A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Italy, but the custody of their children posed a problem. > > > > The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. > > > > The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. > > > > After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied: > > > > "Your Honour, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?" > > > > > > *DON'T LAUGH.. HE WON!*
I recently visited the “World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine” exhibit. Honestly, not a big fan. At my age I am good at multitasking. I can listen, ignore and forget all at once. I was riding my bike yesterday when a couple punks came up and knocked me to the ground, then took my bicycle and laughed at me as they ran off. They derided me. I wasn’t sure which fish to buy in a seafood store in Paris. The person at the counter told me to pick my poisson. Fred almost drowned this morning in his muesli... Strong currants. The person that stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Fred got divorced and remarried. It was a wife-changing experience. Hard to understand how anyone could not be interested in going to an Aviation Museum. The allure is plane to see. How do Mathematicians typically get to work? They derive. A new strain of lice has emerged that is resistant to conventional treatments. It has left scientists scratching their heads. Yoga practitioners are supposedly carefree and low stress. So why are they often the first ones to get bent out of shape? A busy physicist sat down for a while. He had a Moment of Inertia. Fred's wife thinks he looks stupid because of his haircut. He likes it longer on top with short back and sides, she calls it a “moron top.” Fred claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don’t believe him, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it. Can anyone explain how to make a thick soup? I’ve been stewing over this question for a while. Fred tried doing 100 sit-ups but didn’t fin
Sylvester Stallone is in his 3rd marriage. His first was rocky, his second was rocky too. Why is it spelled “camouflage” And not I recently learned how the pawn moves in chess. It's pretty straightforward. Leather is "rated" based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides, rated "A". But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically "D" Hide-Rated. It’s not just cell phones that can distract drivers, today there was a rug-maker commuting in rush hour. He was weaving in traffic. Fred is a carpenter but he’s really overwhelmed and depressed. So I bought him a coping saw. I’m reading a book where the main character lost his spine. That’s his backstory. People are mad because I tell too many jokes about the game of Cricket. I am going to change my wicket ways. Knife-throwers are not afraid of a challenge. In fact, they like to take a stab at lots of things.
this is sooo true!....
Police Officer Test How do you tell the difference between a Canadian Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottishpolice officer? QUESTION: You're a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you. You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do? ANSWERS: Canadian Police Officer : Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's rights under The Charter of Rights and Freedoms: 1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed? 2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law? 3) Is this really a knife or a
gotta see.....
https://www.autoblog.com/2024/05/22/dash-cam-shows-what-driver-saw-as-crash-sends-semi-truck-dangling-off-a-bridge/
Fred the arsonist was well liked at parties. He could really light up a room. A nervous baker used an electric mixer to beat the eggs. He didn’t want to whisk doing a poor job. Turns out the coats I bought for my family are not waterproof. Poor us. I fainted in the curry house when I heard that REM had split up. That’s me in the korma. Trying to lose a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as winning it. The formula for success is too much like the formula for a nervous breakdown. Fred launched a new mobile app but it failed miserably… It was a disAPPointment. An avid collector is thinking of putting all his John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal. I didn’t know my father was once a mime. He never spoke of it. I was driving down route 417 and some guy honked at me and yelled that my car sucked. It was highway snobbery. Boeing has been in the news alot lately... I guess it's the only way they can get actual ai
The Israelis who wish for peaceful co-existence
Breadcrumb Trail Links NP Comment Adam Zivo: The Israelis who wish for peaceful co-existence While in Israel last week, I was moved by the empathy shown by locals toward their Palestinian neighbours Get the latest from Adam Zivo straight to your inbox Sign Up Author of the article: Adam Zivo Published May 21, 2024 • Last updated 2 hours ago • 4 minute read “We hope to live in peace with the Palestinians. We want to live in peace. We don’t want terror," says Rita Lifshitz, who lived in Nir Oz, a kibbutz where a quarter of the population was kidnapped or murdered in the October 7 attack by Hamas. PHOTO BY ADAM ZIVO / NATIONAL POST Article content TEL AVIV — Many people in the world would like you to believe that Israelis are callous — but this is simply untrue. While visiting Israel last week (through a trip sponsored by the non-profit Exigent Foundation ), I was moved by the empathy that many locals showed towards their Palestinian neighbours, despite the horrors of the
