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 An exotic dancer hurt herself dancing. The doctor told her she'd be back at twerk in no time.   When Fred hopped on the treadmill at the gym everyone started to look at him funny. So he started running instead.   The Oscar Mayer wienermobile was in the wurst accident ever yesterday... People never Sausage a mess.   We tried to start a dairy farm but the cows couldn't produce milk It was an udder failure   I’ve decided to start collecting records That’s my decision, and it’s vinyl   Fred documented the whole experience having problems with Erectile Dysfunction.... He will publish it as an autoviagraphy A clockwork toy walks into a bar... He has a few drinks, breaks down in sobs and says "How did I wind up here?!"   Fred came across a secret document at work that had nothing but swear words in it. It contained insensitive information.   Scientists have developed a breed of transparent cattle. Unfortunately, they’re super aggressive.

  Growing U.S. cities face climate problems The Globe and Mail (Ottawa/Quebec Edition) 29 Jul 2023 NATHAN VANDERKLIPPE INTERNATIONAL CORRESPONDENT Misters spray water onto pedestrians on Tuesday in Phoenix, Ariz., during a period of extreme heat. The state saw temperatures of 43 C for almost three weeks. MARIO TAMA/GETTY IMAGES Maricopa County, which encompasses Phoenix, saw more people move into the area than anywhere else in the country Consider a place with a relentless procession of scorching days, where daytime pavement is hot enough to deliver second-degree burns and even nighttime temperatures hold above 32 C. Add to that acute water shortages that make it hard to count on sufficient hydration. It’s difficult to imagine anyone flocking to such a place. But they do. The place is Maricopa County, which encompasses Phoenix and last year saw the arrival of more people than any other county in the United States. It is no outlier. Harris County, which encompasses downtown Houston and

 

 

 

 

Elon Musk rebranded Twitter as X Everyone keeps wondering Y   Fred was once so broke He couldn't afford to pay his electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of his life.   Koi fish always swim in groups of 4 for safety. If attacked, Koi’s A, B, and C scatter, leaving behind the D Koi.   I think the government should provide a lot more assistance when it comes to home ownership I mean, can’t we all just get a lawn?   A woman agreed to go out with Fred after he gave her a bottle of tonic water… Schwepped her off her feet!   Mathematicians can never get along They're at odds with each other over even the most basic principles. Their division multiplies with each fractured debate.                                                                                                                                                     An angry counselor? Thera pissed.   I saw people lining up to see the Barbie movie. It was a Barbie-queue.   I have to

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-66343133  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up? "I'm so over you."   Mick Jagger sued his plastic surgeon.. .. He didn't get nose satisfaction.   Fred was accused of stealing a torso from the morgue today. He was really taken aback.   People make a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. It’s the early signs of typothermia.   When SpaceX gets to their 1,000th launch they should name it the Millennium Falcon.   What I If told you you read this line wrong?   Covid was so bad the strippers had to twerk from home The Vatican is starting a new airline. They’ll be giving deep discounts to frequent friars.   Some species of salamanders make good detectives. They axolotl questions.   Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate… They think it must be Pharaoh Rocher.   The preferred cell phone provider for incels? Virgin Mobile   Fred's ex used to hit him with stringed in

 

 

 

 

  Two Electric Cars Collide The awesome energy released as those batteries explode makes gasoline explosions look tame…

 

 

 

  Found out my favorite cook is a lawyer In his free time He's a Sue Chef   It would be nice if some producers would join the writers and actors on strike. Even if it was just a Coppola of them.   Fred bought a ton of supplies at IKEA. He has Stock Home Syndrome.   Fred had the craziest dream that he was an F5 function key. He woke up refreshed.   When a fly sees a newspaper… It's always bad news.   Fred took a donut making course. He passed with flying crullers. Fred isn't a big fan of most sports. If he wants to see a bunch of guys not score for an hour... He just goes to the local bar.   The amount of money Fred gets paid at work makes him sick. He's got a peanuts allergy.   As an act of charity, Fred allows a needy person to stay in his home. It's one of the tenants of his religion.   An accountant's favorite term for having a nooner? The Quicken dirty.   Fred likes to brag about his cajones. He is very egotesticle.   The perso

  Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.   I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon." I once dated a gal who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes. Yes, she was lack-toes intolerant.   I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness. Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.   My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right...Jack and the beans talk.   I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You probably have