Found out my favorite cook is a lawyer In his free time
He's a Sue Chef

 

It would be nice if some producers would join the writers and actors on strike.
Even if it was just a Coppola of them.

 

Fred bought a ton of supplies at IKEA.
He has Stock Home Syndrome.

 

Fred had the craziest dream that he was an F5 function key.
He woke up refreshed.

 

When a fly sees a newspaper…
It's always bad news.

 

Fred took a donut making course.

He passed with flying crullers.


Fred isn't a big fan of most sports. If he wants to see a bunch of guys not score for an hour...
He just goes to the local bar.

 

The amount of money Fred gets paid at work makes him sick.
He's got a peanuts allergy.

 

As an act of charity, Fred allows a needy person to stay in his home.
It's one of the tenants of his religion.

 

An accountant's favorite term for having a nooner?
The Quicken dirty.

 

Fred likes to brag about his cajones.

He is very egotesticle.

 

The person who named The English Channel missed a big opportunity.
It should have been called the B B sea.

 

My wifenever laughs at my candy bar jokes
Just snickers

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