From vince..

 
















Musings 








If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite word scientist who once said:








"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."








His mind sees things differently Here are some of his gems:
































1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
















2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
















3 - Half the people you know are below average.
















4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
















5 - 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
















6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
















7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
















8 - If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
















9 - All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
















10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
















11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
















12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
















13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
















14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
















15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
















16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
















17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
















18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
















19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
















20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
















21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
















22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
















23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
















24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
















25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
















26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
















27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
















28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
















29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
















30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
















31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
















32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
















33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.







































 
































































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