crotchety ruv

https://fb.watch/dkQTAf1s1w/  

 

 

 

 

 An army lumber yard is also known as a mill tree base.   The French architect who loved to design really large building entrances? Hugh J'Adore   With the ice caps melting, Earth isn't able to hold any more water in her oceans, so it's spilling over to dry land.. That's in continents   here are a lot of furniture stores called Sofa King... ...but I've never seen an Ottoman Empire.   What are shrimp adult films called? Prawnography   Bread is like the sun... It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.   9 months really isn't that long. It just feels like a maternity.   Fred had terrible internet connection on his farm until he moved the modem to the barn and now he has stable WiFi.

 

 

 

  Mr. Bigger and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who’s the biggest in the family? The baby of course - because he’s a little Bigger. One Sunday morning Joe burst into the living room and said: "Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan." After dinner, Joe's dad took him aside and said: "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." Joe was heartbroken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced: "Dianne said yes! We are getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news: "Dian

What was James Bond's mindset after a failed mission? He was shaken, not deterred.    After crossbreeding a group of crow-duck hybrids, Fred realized he had to turn himself in to the police... ... for a murder most fowl.   At the non binary wedding the priest said I hereby pronouns you spouse and spouse   Why did the blacksmith go to court? For jury.   Fred had a quail for lunch yesterday It was very un-pheasant.   Einstein had a brief career as a rapper? His stage name was MC squared.   Fred is secretly meeting his eye doctor. It’s an optometryst.

 

 

 

 Fred has decided to pursue a new path in life and has become a professional psychic. I don't think it'll help his depression though... There's never a happy medium.   What do you call a prehistoric lizard that sings jazz? A Dinah Shore   A tender but very spicy steak? flamin'-gnon.   The dog breed that falls from the sky when it rains cats and dogs? Pomerainin'   Fred was really struggling to get his wife's attention So he sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable.   What do short people experience from tall people? Belittlement   Plateaus are a high form of flattery.   Fred made an appointment to get  a Beach Boys haircut, they booked him in with barber Ann.   I've lost control. I don't see an end. There is no escape. I don't even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard.

 The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said,    'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled  by the question.    As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door'    He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'    She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..           

 

 

 

 

 

 What do you call a grumpy lawyer? An attornery.   The inventor of the ballet skirt was struggling to name it until she finally put tu and tu together.   Freda's hair was a tangled mess. After months of expensive and painful salon services she could now comb her hair. The experience left a mental toll and eventually she saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed her with post traumatic tress disorder.   I call it  Elevator, They call it Lift Guess we were raised differently.   I went to an overweight psychic once, or as I like to say, a 4 chin teller.   Fred started an all whisky diet, last week he lost 3 days   Music was coming out of my printer, the paper was jamming.   Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.... Fred was wearing one and got shot by the woman's husband.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41488081  

 

 

 

https://www.autoblog.com/2022/05/26/hot-dog-truck-crash-highway-spill/  

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/KLODGhEyLvk   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IvmVqGycEo

 

 

 

 

 Alas, still no power and as a result pathetic internet.  Looks like daily puns are taking a forced vacation.   Hopefully the power and PUNishment will be back soon.   Gord we wish gord and the thousands of others that their power comes back real soon!

  Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He had never been to church in his life.   After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?" Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a

Take a small-brained animal and put him in a maze with a good-tasting treat at one opening & a bad-tasting treat at another.  After a few times, it will learn to get to the good opening and not to take the bad one.   We call this learning. Take an American and show him that guns kill, and after countless, daily mass murders, all he will say is it's a tragedy and state "our prayers are with the victims and their families".  They will not learn from these incidents and continue not to implement gun controls. The lowest animal has learned from their mistakes, but the American hasn't. This society has earned the right to be called Dumb Americans. This society wants to ban abortions.  It's not right to "kill" an unborn child. But it's ok to murder them in an elementary school. Dumb Americans.

 

https://default.salsalabs.org/T8a1db985-c7eb-4a6a-81be-e89f400c7604/5f0dcd44-91d8-47d1-98fa-1fc1ccede7e6