from vince...
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A sales guy kept being very pushy so Fred yelled, “Non!” “Nyet!” “Nein!” But he wouldn’t take No foreign answer. Fred entered a fancy dress competition wearing a giraffe costume. He lost, but walked away with his head held high. Fred decided to quit telling jokes. Sometimes it makes him feel funny. Fred bought shares in Comedy Central. It turned out to be the laughing stock of his portfolio.
Apparently, some people are starting up a javelin club in my city. Does anyone know who's spearheading the operation? Barn owls got very excited when the first barn was built. If you are always straightening things, you have OCD but, if you are always eating things, then you have OBCD. Reproduction is like roulette with your genes
Two of the newer muppet figures work in a crematorium. Burnt and Urny . I read a very long article on Japanese sword fighting. Allow me to Samurais it for you. The pasta business used to be a serious process of making long, straight noodles. Then a fusilli guys changed everything. Fred has been trying not to speak with a twang anymore. He's going through withdrawls.
Fred doesn't like spending a lot of time shopping for underwear. He tries to keep things brief. A social media app for people with tourettes? It's called Tic Tic. Fred wrote a computer game to simulate riding in an off-road vehicle. It’s a little buggy. Boarding a submarine is dangerous. It can result in serious injury or depth.
Fred was caught carrying several stolen flannel shirts and scarves, as well as two liters of cider. When questioned by the police, he claimed he was just a Fall guy. Fred loves being a Jack in a box. But the problem is everyone winds him up. What did the doctors tell Lindsey Vonn? It’s going tibia better than new. Fred is travelling all over the region, raising money for tinnitus research. It's a whistle-stop tour.
The zipper on Fred's jeans broke today... But he managed to fix it on the fly. Due to changes in the social acceptability of international relations terminology, countries that were once European colonies are no longer referred to as "Independent". They are now referred to as Eurodivergent. Fred was trying to find impostor in the dictionary. It was next to impossible. Authorities shut down a lab that was splicing human and lettuce DNA... Once on the scene they found human romaines.
Gordisms....
The best thing about the Mercury Theatre? It has a Grand Marquee. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. My doctor said I should cut down on sodium. At first I thought Na I'm not doing that, but now I take her advice with a grain of salt. Fred has been in a coma for the last 5 years. He's been living the dream.
Gordisms...
The reason why cats just seem to know how to use a litter box? It's in-stink. Fred's girlfriend dumped him because he was too obsessed with football. He says that they were together for five seasons. I'll tell you what I know about dwarfism... ... very little. If you plan to visit the Horn of Africa, I suggest you practice your dancing ahead of time. You might need to shake Djibouti.
Gordisms...
Fred was attacked by a flock of sheep. Luckily, he was only grazed. Fred said his favorite Star Wars quote was, "Aargh Luke, ye scurvy dog, I be yer father." I think he got a pirated copy. Ziplock started making underwear. Fred tried a pair but found they were just a little baggy. Last night Fred dreamt hat he was a jack-in-the-box. Woke up cranky.
Gordisms...
Fred's razor blade company doesn’t make as much money as he had hoped. Even so, He's been able to scrape by. Patient: “Doctor, it’s like my brain has been battered and deep-fried.” Doctor: “How does that make you feel?” Patient: “Pretty tempura-mental.” Fred went to an alarm clock symphony. They kept pushing the start back 10 minutes at a time. Total "snooze" fest. Fred applied for a job preparing sandwiches. But unfortunately the Roll had been filled.
Gordisms....
Fred's wife was surprised to learn that his blood runs orange instead of red. She didn’t realize he had carroted arteries. If you want to be a good photographer… You have to stay focussed. I suffered a brain injury that means I’m unable to express negative thoughts effectively, but otherwise things are pretty good. I can’t complain. When Fred first met his wife, they loved talking with each other about plants. That’s how he knew they’d have a fuchsia together.
Gordisms....
Fred made it to the Origami Finals. He folded under pressure. Bugs Bundy: notorious cartoon serial killer. Opinions are divided, but not all math puns are bad. Just sum. Fred works at the Viagra factory and didn't get fired for stealing... In fact, he got a raise.
