Posts
Don't interrupt someone working intently on a word puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords . Fred spent ages trying to work out the meaning of inconsequential. Before realising that it wasn't that important. My wife and I were arguing over whether it’s called a cravat or an ascot. I said, “Let’s just call it a tie”. The inventor of crazy glue wrote a hard to believe autobiography. But that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
When someone asked me if I knew the symptoms of the phobia of getting married. I replied, "I can't say I do". Fred and his sister used to build snowmen together, but apart from that they didn’t really get along. They had a frosty relationship. All of our books fell on the floor. I blame my shelf. Fred's neighbours don't like his collection of garden gnomes carved from metamorphic rock. But he thinks they're gneiss.
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected And saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week In the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money And I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?" The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered.. "That's an honorable pr...
Stairways have a strong sense of anticipation. They lead up to something. When Fred's kids argue, it gets so loud that he's worried he’ll lose his hearing. Why does it always have to be a fight to the deaf? I saw a man standing on one leg in front of the ATM.. It looked like he was checking his balance. Comedians make terrible terrorists. They frequently bomb but never kill at the same time.
When you forget to set a timer but the pasta still comes out perfect? An acc-aldente. Fred's struggling ship building business has quality control issues. It's barely staying afloat. Fred was so broke one time that he actually pick pocketed a midget. . . Who knew he could stoop so low. He only got small change. Fred got a job in a thermometer factory. Unfortunately, it's just temp work.
Fred invented a container which plays cool jazz music when pouring out the contents. It’s a hip flask. Ferd started going to cocktail bars and just asking for "Whatever you recommend." Results are mixed. A soldier who hasn’t been properly briefed? Commando Freda has been engaged over 5 times but never married. That's a lot of near Mrs.
Fred's kids made a PowerPoint to convince him to take them to the waterpark.. It had several slides. Fred was always taking the restaurants he worked for to court. He was a sue chef. Fred was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. His wife says he's good people. My homeopath gave me too many laxatives. Now I've got herbal diarrhea.
A sales guy kept being very pushy so Fred yelled, “Non!” “Nyet!” “Nein!” But he wouldn’t take No foreign answer. Fred entered a fancy dress competition wearing a giraffe costume. He lost, but walked away with his head held high. Fred decided to quit telling jokes. Sometimes it makes him feel funny. Fred bought shares in Comedy Central. It turned out to be the laughing stock of his portfolio.
Apparently, some people are starting up a javelin club in my city. Does anyone know who's spearheading the operation? Barn owls got very excited when the first barn was built. If you are always straightening things, you have OCD but, if you are always eating things, then you have OBCD. Reproduction is like roulette with your genes
Two of the newer muppet figures work in a crematorium. Burnt and Urny . I read a very long article on Japanese sword fighting. Allow me to Samurais it for you. The pasta business used to be a serious process of making long, straight noodles. Then a fusilli guys changed everything. Fred has been trying not to speak with a twang anymore. He's going through withdrawls.
