crotchety ruv

 

 

 

 

 

the religion of peace:     https://www.facebook.com/share/p/fQ3fd6ZAir5C6uA4/?mibextid=CTbP7E   😕

  A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain,” he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. But just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!" I talked with a homeless man th

  Is a new pope chosen by winning a pope-ularity contest?   Back in the old days, people often argued about how to properly light a fire in a wood stove. It may sound minor, but things could get pretty heated.   Fred's puppy isn't fat. She's just a little husky.   My wife is leaving me because I tell her too many Star Wars puns. Divorce is strong in this one.   Everyone knows Mona Lisa, but no one seems to care about her husband. He is completely out of the picture.   At first, the captain of the Jolly Roger hated his job. But after a little while, he was hooked. I drank a hot brewed beverage while reading a good book. It was quite a novel-tea.   My friend asked me if I knew where he could get a wig. I said not off the top of my head.   An interior designer was retiring. He was praised for having a decorated career.   I locked myself in a suitcase once. I feel like I may have gotten carried away.   A dyslexic guy walked into a bra.. He ended up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fred uses a notepad and pen instead of speaking. He has to write to remain silent.   After stealing all the punctuation marks off the judge's keyboard.... Fred is expecting a long sentence.   How important is lift to flight? Without lift, it's just gh.   How often do chemists make puns? Periodically.   Fred was cooking and accidentally rubbed some avocado in his eye. Now he has guac-oma.   Fred hasn't seen his dentist in well over a year. Now he has to make up for flossed time.  The difference between a negative consequence, an email on drums, and a deadly pillow? One is a repercussion, the second is re: percussion, and the last is a reaper cushion.   If you run out of room in the fridge for the milk and butter You may have to use the secondairy cooler.   Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.   Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods and cats have never forgotten this.   Fred forgot to do the cleans