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Dog trainers tend to have long-lasting marriages.
They know how to get someone to stay.

 

Don't you hate it when you're singing along to a song on the radio.....
and the artist gets the lyrics wrong.

 

I don't care if the appliance controlling the temperature in my house has any flaws...
I love it airconditionally.

 

I swear I just saw that same cat walk past me a few seconds ago . . .
Worst case of déjà mew I've had in a while.

 

Another name for a water diviner?
Well-wisher.


Fred had an interview at a logging company that went really well.
So well, that they went ahead and made him the branch manager.

 

I ate some rice that tasted more like pasta.
Orzo I thought.

 

Fred asked me if he should use a lower grit sandpaper for his project.
I said of coarse.

 

You know what they say about hyperboles...
They're the absolute worst.

 

I’ve decided to get Velcro shoes instead of lace-ups
I mean, why knot?

 

You don't pay an anesthesiologist to put you to sleep rather you pay an anesthesiologist to wake you up




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