Gordisms...

 

Fred wants to go on a diet.

But he has too much on his plate right now.

 

Construction worker's favourite music artists?

Rebar McEntire and MC Hammer.

 

People think Fred is a good boss because of his open door policy.
It’s only because he's unhinged.

 

A woman complained that Fred didn't have any Dutch cheese in his shop.

He replied, "Frankly my dear, I don't give edam".

 

Math professors often get into fights when they go out drinking.

They're always looking for something to prove.

 

If you sneer at imperial liquid measures, you may be in contempt of quart.

My doctor suggested a blindfold to help with my sleep issues.

I can't see myself wearing one.

 

What’s the best place to grow leafy greens?
The subherbs.

 

How many pirates does it take to change a lightbulb?
Avast amount.

 

Fred smoked a bunch of weed with his girlfriend.
It was the high point of their relationship.

 

I received some great advice on how to stop procrastinating.
I’ll tell you about it later.

 

I think I am, therefore I might be?