crotchety ruv

https://www.ctvnews.ca/sci-tech/ufos-listen-as-pilots-describe-bizarre-lights-and-triangle-formation-over-canadian-prairies-1.6748300  

 

 

  Fred's boss at the hardware store assigned him an important task — design a new line of bench clamps. Fred is now the vise president.   Fred opened a flee market... It was a runaway success.   A well known lion tamer went bankrupt and he lost nearly everything. But at least he’s still got his pride.   With the 83 million verdict, it sounds like She grabbed him by the purse-y.   Fred didn't see the slinky that his grandson left on the stairs. Now there is a spring in his step.   I've started writing numbers using noodles. They're called ramen numerals.

 

 

 

 

Fred told his wife that husbands are like fine wine: they just get better with age.. The next day she locked him in the cellar.   Would apartment subletters be responsible for repairs? No, that's for main tenants.   When you're absolutely sure you found a mushroom that's edible, could that be a morel certainty?   Fred's maintenance guy lost his legs in an accident on the job. Now he’s just a handyman.   It bugs me when people say they are afraid to die alone. Is dying with a pal gonna make it so much better?   If you think doing laundry is'nt funny, you just need to have a dryer sense of humor. Fred asked his wife to karaoke with him. She wouldn't duet.   Fred makes rhythms by hitting two pillows together. He's a pair-cushion-ist.   BREAKING NEWS: Sting has been kidnapped. The Police have no lead.   My Father was born as a conjoined twin After the surgery, his sibling became my uncle once removed.   Doesn’t hopsc

 

 

 

 

  https://www.tiktok.com/@themichaelbarrymore/video/7112405085153479941?lang=en from bob

 

https://www.amazon.ca/Holy-Spirit-Board-Games/dp/B09QH3HC72/ref=sr_1_2?crid=37Z9F7413DFFR&keywords=christian+ouija+board&qid=1706276636&sprefix=christian+ouj%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-2  

 

  Why is it that when archaeologists find human remains, they always determine they are either male or female and none of the other dozen genders? Why is talking sexually in the workplace considered sexual harassment to adults…but talking about sexuality to children in Grade 3 at school isn’t. Why are we running out of money for medicare b ut not for welfare?

 

 

 

  Dermatologists are hard to spy on. They're good at removing moles.   Like his father and grandfather before him, Fred continues to build a boat out of stone. It’s a true family hardship.   The kinds of pickles that do ridiculous things? Capers.   Dental x-rays are also known as tooth pics.   Fred went on a Scotch diet. He has lost three days already.   The difference between grey and gray? One is a colour, and the other is a color. After his prostate surgery, Fred's basketball game improved significantly. His dribbling is unstoppable.   Someone told me I was just average. I said that's mean.   Ran into my old Statistics professor… What are the chances?   Fred and his wife named their daughter Belle. Said it has a nice ring to it.   Always try to connect the dots except when it comes to Morse code.   Anybody who’s ever flipped over a roll of sod knows the grass is not greener on the other side.  

 

 

 

 

 

  Fred randomly yells out broccoli and cauliflower during the day. He has Floret's syndrome.   If California falls into the ocean... it'll be San Andreas' fault.   Fred caught his neighbour stealing socks from his clothes line. He was going to confront him, but he got cold feet.   I told my wife that I invented a new name for a steep cliff. She knew it was just a bluff.   Snipers have the best understanding. They can see the full scope of things.   Fred's deaf wife left him for a deaf man. He should have seen the signs. What do you call a crappy copy of a famous work of art? Artifecal.   Fred finally perfected his broth recipe. It's souperior.   Fred and a friend got arrested, Fred stole batteries and the friend took fireworks.. Fred was charged and his friend got let off.   Someone asked me what the French phrase je ne sais quoi meant. I told them that it's something I can't explain.   I have a cancel culture j

  One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.' 'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way what kind of animal are you?' 'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.' So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitch little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit.' The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But, by the way, what kind of animal are you?' The snake replied th

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  What was Elvis assigned to do when he joined the army? To look for Suspicious Mines.   Fred told a joke about oil pipelines. People said it was a crude joke.   Fred gave a presentation on his trip to equatorial countries but he often strayed off-tropic.   A lot of French words have crept into the English language. Hors d'oeuvres for starters.   Fred claims to have created an age reversal potion. I think he's kidding himself.   A platonic relationship is mind over mattress. Fred is looking forward to the next Fibonacci convention, it's supposed to be really special.. and as big as the last two put together.   We used to call our old soccer manager Sulphur.. Cause he would flare up at the end of a match.   Fred once threw a live fish on the floor as a joke. Yeah that joke flopped.   Fred and his buddy drank way too much cider. They got apple sauced.   The breakfast cereal that is identical to other cereals? Synonym Toast Crunch.