Gordisms...

Fred told his wife that husbands are like fine wine: they just get better with age..
The next day she locked him in the cellar.

 

Would apartment subletters be responsible for repairs?
No, that's for main tenants.

 

When you're absolutely sure you found a mushroom that's edible,
could that be a morel certainty?

 

Fred's maintenance guy lost his legs in an accident on the job.
Now he’s just a handyman.

 

It bugs me when people say they are afraid to die alone.

Is dying with a pal gonna make it so much better?

 

If you think doing laundry is'nt funny, you just need to have a dryer sense of humor.

Fred asked his wife to karaoke with him.
She wouldn't duet.

 

Fred makes rhythms by hitting two pillows together.
He's a pair-cushion-ist.

 

BREAKING NEWS: Sting has been kidnapped.
The Police have no lead.

 

My Father was born as a conjoined twin
After the surgery, his sibling became my uncle once removed.

 

Doesn’t hopscotch sound like a drinking game with beer and whiskey?

 

When baking, it's important to flip the items in the oven so they don't burn.
Leave no scone unturned.