crotchety ruv

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv9sH5ptgRA  

 

What do you call the dominant guy in a group of hay farmers? Alfalfa male.   Fred is on a no dessert diet, and it's no fun It's very off-pudding.   The police knew the songwriter had skipped town He left behind several notes.   When Fred was a kid he had a lazy eye. Tragically, it spread to the rest of his body.   What did the boss say when the electrician didn't show up to work until noon? Wire you insulate?   Doctors have created an arm patch for people recovering from ice cream addiction. They are calling it the Breyer Patch. Skeletons are bad in high-stress situations. They are easily rattled.   Fred went to the doctor today for his first prostate exam Got the thumbs up.   I visited a website on how to manage diabetes I couldn't accept cookies   The Titan crew may not have been friends at the start of the trip... But by the end, they were pretty chummy   Fred wanted to buy a pet bird but couldn't find any going chee

  I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.     My boyfriend lives forty miles away. - Phyllis Diller   Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.     As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller   Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? - Phyllis Diller   Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing . - Phyllis Diller   Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:    Eat out. - Phyllis Diller   I   want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.     Then I want to move in with them. - Phyllis Diller   Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Phyllis Diller   We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up. - Phyllis Diller   Burt Reynolds once asked me out.    I was

 

 

 

 

  The Hebrew people were sitting around Mt. Sinai. You could hear only a subdued murmur among them, but you could feel the tension in the air. For hours now, Moses had been on top of the mountain, hidden from their gaze by clouds wafting around its top. Sometimes the clouds became dark and you could hear thunder rolling down. In spite of the warm weather, this caused a shudder among the waiting masses. The end of day was approaching and dusk was beginning to set in. Suddenly a figure came through the clouds and walked down the steep mountainside carrying a heavy load. It was Moses. Moses set down his load and raised his hands. "Friends," he said. "Friends, it was hard work and I have done my best. I have negotiated with Him. I used every possible argument, every trick I could think of—and I think I was successful. The good news is: I brought him down from 15 to 10. The bad news is: Adultery is still in."

 

 

 

 

  The human body reveals compelling evidence of  evolution . By examining its intricacies, we  uncover  remnants of our  animal ancestors  . One such example is the palmaris longus, a vestigial muscle in the forearm. Although it no longer affects grip strength, it can be removed for reconstructive surgeries. Our outer ear muscles also bear witness to our evolutionary past. While their movement is limited to humans, they once aided early nocturnal mammals in sound localization. Today, electrodes can detect slight muscle activity in response to sudden sounds. Goosebumps offer another intriguing clue. When we're cold, tiny muscles connected to body hairs contract, causing the hair to stand upright, and creating bumps on the skin. This response, useful for furry mammals' insulation, can also be triggered by intense emotions or surprising musical moments in humans. Lastly, the tailbone, or coccyx, composed of fused vertebrae, represents the vestiges of our ancestors' tails. Alth

 

 

 

 

 My surgeon is pretty funny He left me in stitches   What do you call a carpenter who is a body builder? A stud.   The keyboard factory was considered to be very inefficient. They required two shifts to produce one keyboard.   Fred found a box of Viagra last night but they didn't work...... They were past their swell by date.   Fred has so much debt... He could start a government.   One of the reasons that the Titan imploded? Substandard sub standards.   Fred was so bored that he memorized six pages of the dictionary. He learned next to nothing.   How do gender-fluid computers communicate? With non-binary code   Spaghetti with no sauce? Nudeools.   Fred's dad did his yard work and kept his grass tidy into his nineties. It was key to his lawngevity.   Sad all the people making jokes about the missing Titan sub Some people will sink to any depths for a cheap thrill.   I had a joke about bowling... But I'll spare you.  

 

 

 

 Fred went to an AC/DC concert last week. The music wasn't current.   A chemist's favorite spy novelist? Ion Fleming   A physicist's favorite side dish? Boson baked beans   A physicist's favorite cookie? Fig Neutron   Sherlock Holmes loved Mexican restaurants because they gave him good case ideas.   About 4 minutes into his run, Fred decided he wanted to work on his personality instead.   If someone compliments your ample chest, is it still considered flattery? I heard a tap at the door. Let that sink in.   My dad’s sister had a birthday, and we blew her away by buying her a stairlift for her house. We really upped the aunty this year.   Eventually we will be sending submersible crafts to explore Titan's wreckage. If we want the pattern to hold, the new vessel will be called "Tit"   Do demons rent their cars or lease? Asking for a fiend   When is a group of crows called a murder? When there are probable caws

 

 

 

  King Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner, he passed a hooker standing there every day. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow."One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout. "No! Five pounds!" He said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up. This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"One day, Camilla decided to accompany her husband. As the couple neared the hooker's corner, King Charles realized she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.As they neared the hooker’s corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.Then,

Keeping EV road trips on track and saving money The Globe and Mail (Ontario Edition) 24 Jun 2023 KRYSTYNA LAGOWSKI STEPHEN FUNG Stephen Fung’s children are seen with the family’s 2020 Kia Niro EV, which was used for a nine-day road trip last summer from Coquitlam, B.C., to Calgary. The family spent $129.68 round trip on charging, which is about $100 less had they driven a similarly sized gas-powered crossover. These two families used apps such as A Better Route Planner and PlugShare to map out their long-haul journeys based on stops needed for charging When you’re behind the wheel of an EV, summer road-tripping with the family takes a little extra planning. While you can still count on paying for food, souvenirs and a place to sleep, you’ll be saving money on fuel. But an EV road trip comes with the trade-off of needing more frequent, longer breaks to top up the battery – if you can find a functional charger. That means planning stops, meals and sleep around charging. Still, as public