crotchety ruv

https://www.facebook.com/1438752459690237/posts/3003970556501745/  

https://www.facebook.com/199098633470668/posts/8364455346934915/  

 

 

 

 The doctor told Fred that he may have parkinson's.... And Fred just shook it off.   What do you call Filipino who does origami? A Manila folder.   A group of bishops form a band they call themselves the a-men   How does the pope pay for his on-line purchases? Papal   What do you call the best tasting milk in the world? Legendairy   How do two French guys share files electronically? Pierre to Pierre network   I spent the morning down at the beach feeding cannabis laced brownies to the seabirds. No tern was left unstoned.

https://www.facebook.com/100057528575791/videos/246000467118610/  

 

 

 

 

 While watching ‘Dirty Dancing’ and eating dinner with my wife, I sneakily removed the herbs from her plate and put them on mine... swallowed them whole, saying, "now, I've had the thyme of my wife..." Where do antarctic birds spend their nights? In pengu-inns   My friend doesn’t like to talk about her dry skin… She’d rather just sweep it under the carpet   What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and a recent former president? One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.   I hate it when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.   I thought I heard the Bee Gees playing in my herb garden but it was just the chives talking.   Did you hear about the guy that got caught stealing chickens from a local farm? He wanted poached eggs.   I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be seen

 

https://audio.nationalvanguard.com/swarm.mp4  

https://www.msn.com/en-ca/video/news/rival-monkey-gangs-have-huge-fight-in-thailand/vi-AAMz08o  

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chick peas? Black eyed peas can sing us a song, but chick peas can only hummus one Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.   If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.   When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.   The definition of"perfect pitch: When you toss a banjo into a dumpster & it hits an accordion   People say Fred can't read women I guess he's chicklexic   Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It can dissolve marriages, families and careers.   Kleptomaniac may not be the most flattering thing someone's called me, but I'll take it   I once had a conversation with a guy in a bar who claimed he was a popular singer in the 80s I kept saying I didn't believe him, but he was adamant.   Learning to pick locks changed me Opened a lot of doors in life for me     What do you call a zombie cooking sti

 

 

 

 

 

 

 What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly Squats   Fred is so poor that he can't even pay attention.   What did the chlorine atom say to the sodium atom? I've got my ion you.   Lombard street in San Francisco is the second most crooked street in the USA... Wall street being the first...   I tried to play poker with my friend who is addicted to origami But he just kept folding   What was it called when Russian Emperors made cutting, often ironic remarks? Tsarcasm   Where does bovine flatulence come from? The “Dairy Air”   Fred  pursued a career in archeology And now his life is in ruins...  

 

 Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen   Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen had been long-time close friends. But, being old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own respective religion.   It was not  long before Mrs. Murphy felt lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend.   When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs, and kisses.   Mrs. Murphy said, "Don't be holdin' back, Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it here?"   Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the caretakers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."   Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all about it." Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch, we go up to my room and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top, and then on the bottom, and then we sing Jewish songs."   Mrs. Murphy said,

 What did the quesadilla say to the tortilla last night? Buenos no-cheese   Treadmill sellers are stiff competitors. They give you a run for your money.   Fred works for a company that focuses on the health of the lower 3/4 of the body, and yesterday he just became the CEO. Now he's the Head of Shoulders, Knees, and Toes   Why did the principal panic during the teacher’s strike? Because he was losing control of his faculties.   My trigonometry teacher was hard to follow Always went off on tangents   Little known fact that before crowbars were invented Most crows drank at home   I went with a friend to the dentist I was there for oral support