mid week gordisms....

 While watching ‘Dirty Dancing’ and eating dinner with my wife, I sneakily removed the herbs from her plate and put them on mine...

swallowed them whole, saying, "now, I've had the thyme of my wife..."

Where do antarctic birds spend their nights?
In pengu-inns

 

My friend doesn’t like to talk about her dry skin…
She’d rather just sweep it under the carpet

 

What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and a recent former president?
One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.

 

I hate it when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

 

I thought I heard the Bee Gees playing in my herb garden but it was just the chives talking.

 

Did you hear about the guy that got caught stealing chickens from a local farm?
He wanted poached eggs.

 

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night

I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be seen