Posts
from doug...
what do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile How do you spot a blind man at a nudist colony? It isn't hard
Fred got caught in a group of men running around and around in circles. It was a malestrom. If you sit on a window, you'll get a pane in the butt. Why do Popes rely on the Swiss Guard? Because, like their cheese, they're holy. A famous computer hacker passed away. He was encrypted in the cemetery. Fred read the expiration date on a milk carton and thought to himself, “geez spoiler alert”.
Fred's therapist kept checking the clock and yawning during his session. So Fred filed a bored complaint. Somebody who routinely uses just 1% of their brain? Centimental fool. Fred's kid didn't know how to measure how heavy she was. He said "I'll show you the weigh." It’d be a big mistake to start flirting with nuns. You don’t wanna get into that habit. ...from gord...
Fred doesn't eat pretzels. He says they are knot food . Fred was going to tell a joke about nerve damage. But figured it was insensitive. Fred was on jury duty for some guy that stole a man’s satchel. The perp confessed right away, so it was a very brief briefcase case . Tariff talks are not going anywhere. It's now just a case of he said Xi said.
Not only did Fred's dog win first place in the water chugging competition... ..he also took a victory lap. After the first 100 days of the new president, USA looks tariffic. If they make a mistake when choosing the new pope, it would be a cardinal error. They are making a new movie where a large city in Texas gets destroyed by falling space junk. Debris Does Dallas.
Fred had 11 sisters growing up. Now all three identify as non-binary. People keep telling me amusing little stories about Trump wanting to make Canada the 51st state. If I hear one more annexdote... A friend was nagging me to try spelunking. Eventually I caved. Fred thought the word “Caesarean” started with the letter S, but when he looked it up in the dictionary, it was was in the C section. Some of the things logicians say are a bit iffy.
Fred spent the whole day making that sugar and spice mixture for cooking. He took his sweet thyme. When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing... But it's what's inside that counts. Vampires seldom invest in the stock market. Too many stakeholders. Fred went to the grocery store and noticed them selling off their guacamole at a steep discount... So, of course, He bought the dip.
Fred recently retired as a circus clown. He left big shoes to fill. Fred went to the hospital and said, "doctor help me I’m shrinking." The doctor said “now now, you’re just going to have to be a little patient.” King Arthur apparently had a whole army of dromedaries. He stored them in his camel lot. You can get pasta shaped like grains of rice. Orzo I’ve been told…
Fred is starting to become obsessed with wood carving… I think he has to get over it while it's still just a whittle problem. The wind keeps blowing windows off my greenhouse. It's been a real pane in the grass. ADHD: Attention Deficit HEY DOUGHNUTS! A woman who doesn’t trust Big Pharma? Mrs. Doubtpfizer. Fred is starting a new diet eating nothing but squirrel food. That's nuts! The doctor asked Fred if he was sure about a problem with his right ear. Fred said, "yes I'm definite". If you’re ever assaulted by a knight or a bishop, you need to get to a hospital immediately. Chess pains are a medical emergency. If you’re having 2nd thoughts you’re two ahead of most people these days. Reincarnation is making a comeback.
Psychology Class and how to get an "A" It was a practical session in a psychology class. The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage. Then, the professor put a piece of cake on one side and put a female rat on the other side. The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it. Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread. The male rat again ran towards the bread and ate it. This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time. And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat. Professor asked the students: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction, do you agree? Then, one of the students from the back rows said: "Sir, why don't you change the female rat? This one might be his wife!" The professor stood straight up, his finger pointing towards the student and said "You just got an A!"
Fred recently bought a Skoda automobile imported from Prague, but it has issues... The Czech engine light is on all the time. You're allowed to make your share of mistakes, however, an eraser slowly dies because of your mistakes. After drifting from job to job, Fred has landed a job with VIA Rail. He says that he's finally on the right track. Fred's wife owns a taser. She's a real stunner.
The celebrity who makes the most mistakes? Yoko oh-no. People are making Apocalypse jokes... ...like there's no tomorrow. When you think about it, Lance Armstrong was a drug pedaller. I hate typos...You mix up two letters and your whole joke is urined. Fred loves good food and the sport of fencing. He's an epee-curian,
