-

 Fred's therapist said that his narcissism causes him to misread social situations.

But he's pretty sure she was flirting with him.


Paul Simon wrote a guide for recovering alcoholics.
"50 Ways To Love Your Liver".

An ice company lost power at their warehouse.
They had to liquidate their entire inventory.

Why did Art Garfunkel sing with Paul Simon?
He couldn't duet alone.

Fred wants to be buried with his record collection.
It's his vinyl request.


Why is Rage Against the Machine such a good workout playlist?
Probably because they are a resistance band.

A dictator walks into a bar...
...and orders everyone around.

Fred gets nervous shakes when teaching his boy to parallel park…
The doctor says it may be a case of Parkingsons.

I thought  I could hear Marvin Gaye singing somewhere inside my bottle of expensive Chardonnay.
I heard it through the great wine.

Which athletes make the best comedians?
Boxers. They deliver great punchlines.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Gordisms...

-
  I’m devastated. My nascent singing career has been derailed by a vocal cord injury. It’s hard to say what I’ll do next. Fred has sex daily. His doctor told him it’s completely common to have his letters all jumbled up. THe kind of fish you catch with a bookworm? Read snapper. All of a sudden every tree I see is a pine tree or a fir tree… My psychiatrist says I am experiencing Conifer-mation bias. Some people confuse Ribeyes with T-Bones but it’s nothing serious… It’s just a case of misteaken identity. If you’re ever stranded on a sheet of ice, you won’t be able to steer it. You’ll just have to go with the floe. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be able to order take out telepathically? Now that is food for thought. When the Naval academy admissions committee reviews applicants....... Do they sort them as innies and outies? A prostitute is a member of the fare sex. How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream. Sound engineers are not good as co-workers. Th...
Read more