crotchety ruv

 

 

Fred is thinking of getting into the venison market. Hopes to make a lot of doe, or at least a quick buck. The cookie that I got at the Chinese restaurant was empty. It was unfortunate. Is it called a funny bone because everyone laughs when you hit it? Fred is developing a chip to be implanted into your brain that will allow you to use Echolocation. He claims it will give people a greater sense of porpoise. I'm always the first on my block to put out my trash, then all the neighbours do. I guess you could say I'm a bit of a binfluencer. Fred got cast as a dwarf extra in the new Snow White movie. It's just a small role.

 

 

 

 

  After the Great British Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery Presidents decide to go to the pub for a drink. The COORS President said to the bartender "Can I have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please." The bartender gave him the drink. Then the Budweiser President says, " I would like the King Of Beers -- Budweiser." The bartender proceeds with the order. The Amstel President says, "I would like the finest beer ever, and Amstel." The bartender gives him an Amstel. Then the Guinness President says, "I'll have a coke please." The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway. All the Presidents looked over at him and said, "Why have you ordered a coke?" He replied, "Well if you guys aren’t going to have a beer, then neither shall I."

 

 

 

  Why are accountants always depressed? Because it's accrual world.   People say 60 is the new 40. I tried it out, but I still got a speeding ticket.   A popular singer who smells like cheese? Brieyonce.   Fred used to be a bookworm until he discovered audiobooks on tapes. Now he's a tapeworm.   A quantum physicist broke up with his girlfriend. He said she was too quarky, which led to too much uncertainty.   I used to date a woman who said my face looked like the back end of a boat. I didn’t say anything but I did give her a stern look.  

 

 

 

 

 

  “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took me one afternoon on the golf course!”