Gordisms...

Fred uses a notepad and pen instead of speaking.
He has to write to remain silent.

 

After stealing all the punctuation marks off the judge's keyboard....
Fred is expecting a long sentence.

 

How important is lift to flight?
Without lift, it's just gh.

 

How often do chemists make puns?
Periodically.

 

Fred was cooking and accidentally rubbed some avocado in his eye.

Now he has guac-oma.

 

Fred hasn't seen his dentist in well over a year.

Now he has to make up for flossed time. 

The difference between a negative consequence, an email on drums, and a deadly pillow?
One is a repercussion, the second is re: percussion, and the last is a reaper cushion.

 

If you run out of room in the fridge for the milk and butter
You may have to use the secondairy cooler.

 

Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.

 

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods and cats have never forgotten this.

 

Fred forgot to do the cleanse before his colonoscopy.
The doctor said he was the crappiest patient he saw that day.